January 23, 2008
Ryan proclaims that Charleston is the “friendliest city” on the face of the earth. Since South Carolina is just one state under us, our family has ventured there from time to time. As a native southerner I can attest to the hospitability, however I am sure that The Idiots In Charge will show mostly the stuff that stereotypes are made of.
Quick shots of past Idol “look-alikes,” then the judges drag in slowly while Ryan (literally) runs late. We meet a contestant who has to leave the audition early because his wife has gone into labor. He decides not to pull a Phil Stacey and leaves to go be with her.
First up is Dwayne from What’s Happening, only he goes by Raysharde. He tells the judges that he sounds like Clay Aiken and does an over-the-top version of “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” Paula calls him “theatrical” which is code for “we are not going to put you through to the next round.”
Next is a gal from Albemarle named DeAnna, which of course flashes us back to the roller-skating waitress from that same town named Kellie Pickler. This gal is also a waitress and speaks “eloquently” about the “all you can eat” Sunday crowd that so gets on her nerves. (Simon never should have asked.) She does an angry version of “Fancy” and keeps losing her top in the process. Not surprisingly she does not make it through.
Because we are not quiet nauseous enough after the waitress tirade we are next subjected to a make-out session between a couple who met on the American Idol message board. I KNEW that was a dangerous place! Since being separated would be way too heartbreaking, they try out together. Oh what a shock - they are totally awful. “Complete torture” as Simon says. The judges congratulate them on “the love” and tell them to go get a room.
Next is another boy/girl team, this time a brother/sister duo, Jeffery and Michelle. The brother is hilarious, wearing a necktie for a head band. Just when we get strapped in for a train wreck, they blow it out da box! Together they do an impressive duo of R. Kelly and Celine Dion’s “I Am Your Angel.” After much tension they both make it through. In a rare sweet moment Simon says he can not split them up. Much happiness ensues!
They show us scenic Charleston as Voiceover Ryan says that they are having little success at finding any real talent. We see the Not-Phil-Stacey dad take his cute wife to the hospital.
Just to prove that The Powers That Run The Show really do hate our guts, they show a painful montage of bad singers butchering the Carrie Underwood song about keying some guy’s car. Posers from Cher to Bret Michaels to Elvis to Forrest Gump to Howdy Doody to Bozo the Clown try this song to no avail.
Next is an extremely All That Teenage Captain of the Dance Team who talks about how everyone respects her because she is just the awesomest. If you roll every teenaged character that Reese Witherspoon ever played into one girl, you get this one. Her name is Amy and she gives lectures about abstaining from everything from sex to chocolate. I think this little girl has good intentions, but bless her heart she is so smug that she doesn’t realize Simon is sooo mocking her. (Funny how she “preaches” about abstinence while wearing a skimpy mini-dress.) She sings an okay version of “Reflection;” Paula loves her but Simon thinks she is annoying and tells her so. They put her through to Hollywood and tell her to give Ryan “the speech.”
The judges are tired and don’t even care anymore. Meanwhile we see that the expectant parents have made it to the hospital.
Finally we get the LMN moment of the evening. London is a gorgeous blonde lady who put her music career on hold when her dad was diagnosed with cancer. Now that he has passed away, she wants to make him proud. She does a Billie Holliday song and has a beautiful voice. The judges are not overly impressed but I think she is great and have my fingers crossed for her… and she makes it, yay! Weird how Randy says that he is going to put her through “based on just your vocals.” Ummm, and what else would you base it on, Mr. Jackson?? My Hubby ventures a guess but we won’t go there…
Ryan says that 15 other people made it through to the next round and we get to see too brief glimpses of some of those victories.
Day Two and its more sunshine from Charleston and southern accents galore. I feel right at home, as does Randy who says “the south is gonna rise again.” And Paula has been shopping at Hookers ‘R Us again, oh snap!
First up is a REAL woman; her name is Lyndsey and she is a pilot in the Air Force. She is a gorgeous young lady and they show her in uniform with her C17, and with her coworkers and talking about her dad. I have to wipe some tears away; these are the real heroes who deserve all the respect in the world. There are a few former military folks that I work with and they are every level of awesome that exists, especially the ladies. At the audition Lyndsey sings “Black Velvet” and it’s a bit shaky; she is nervous and quivery but not bad. We are so devastated when she doesn’t make it through to the next round.
While I am still PO’ed about the Air Force lady not making it, they introduce us to a big-boobied gal named Aretha. And yes she was named after that Aretha. She starts out okay on “I Have Nothing” but goes completely off-key towards the end. Simon makes fun of every single thing about her but she keeps insisting that she has a “beautiful and amazing” voice. Yes Aretha, so do I... Next!
Ergh, am still irritated and now we are subjected to a spaz who massacres the Dream Girls song. Then he gets all “oh no you di’nt!!” and makes with the playa hatin.’ Bored now.
After that it’s more bad singers who are sad and ticked and surprised and teary and immature.
The brand new dad, Oliver, gets a second chance and brings his newborn baby girl and wife to the audition. I am really expecting him to be incredible because they have invested so much time in his ordeal. But alas he is just so-so with a weird vibrato and does not make it through. Maybe he can sing to his new baby who mercifully has her eyes closed when her mom brings her in to “meet” the judges. Sweet though, how Paula says she wants to change her mind after seeing the baby.
Charleston ends with 23 total contestants making it through and we only got to see scant few minutes of those good ones.
Next week will be from Omaha. 'Til then, rock on Emma Grace!
Charleston Favorites:
Best Male Singer: Jeffery
Best Female Singer: London
Best Life Story: Lyndsey
Tonight’s Quotes:
Simon: "You’re a little tiger, aren’t you Deana?"
DeAnna: "DeAnna… That’s why I spell my name with a capital A, just to eliminate the whole Deana. It’s Dee Anna."
Jeffery: "Simon, I have my dog tags on for you. Because you have that military presence. But I love you."
Randy: "Hello; what’s your name?"
Amy: "I’m Amy Catherine. Amy, Amy Catherine, AC. Whatev."
Aretha: "… yeah they got baaad opinions on music, totally."
Joshua: "… this show is fake and rigged."
Simon: "What did you say?"
Joshua: "Faked and rigged! Because I can sing!"
Ryan proclaims that Charleston is the “friendliest city” on the face of the earth. Since South Carolina is just one state under us, our family has ventured there from time to time. As a native southerner I can attest to the hospitability, however I am sure that The Idiots In Charge will show mostly the stuff that stereotypes are made of.
Quick shots of past Idol “look-alikes,” then the judges drag in slowly while Ryan (literally) runs late. We meet a contestant who has to leave the audition early because his wife has gone into labor. He decides not to pull a Phil Stacey and leaves to go be with her.
First up is Dwayne from What’s Happening, only he goes by Raysharde. He tells the judges that he sounds like Clay Aiken and does an over-the-top version of “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” Paula calls him “theatrical” which is code for “we are not going to put you through to the next round.”
Next is a gal from Albemarle named DeAnna, which of course flashes us back to the roller-skating waitress from that same town named Kellie Pickler. This gal is also a waitress and speaks “eloquently” about the “all you can eat” Sunday crowd that so gets on her nerves. (Simon never should have asked.) She does an angry version of “Fancy” and keeps losing her top in the process. Not surprisingly she does not make it through.
Because we are not quiet nauseous enough after the waitress tirade we are next subjected to a make-out session between a couple who met on the American Idol message board. I KNEW that was a dangerous place! Since being separated would be way too heartbreaking, they try out together. Oh what a shock - they are totally awful. “Complete torture” as Simon says. The judges congratulate them on “the love” and tell them to go get a room.
Next is another boy/girl team, this time a brother/sister duo, Jeffery and Michelle. The brother is hilarious, wearing a necktie for a head band. Just when we get strapped in for a train wreck, they blow it out da box! Together they do an impressive duo of R. Kelly and Celine Dion’s “I Am Your Angel.” After much tension they both make it through. In a rare sweet moment Simon says he can not split them up. Much happiness ensues!
They show us scenic Charleston as Voiceover Ryan says that they are having little success at finding any real talent. We see the Not-Phil-Stacey dad take his cute wife to the hospital.
Just to prove that The Powers That Run The Show really do hate our guts, they show a painful montage of bad singers butchering the Carrie Underwood song about keying some guy’s car. Posers from Cher to Bret Michaels to Elvis to Forrest Gump to Howdy Doody to Bozo the Clown try this song to no avail.
Next is an extremely All That Teenage Captain of the Dance Team who talks about how everyone respects her because she is just the awesomest. If you roll every teenaged character that Reese Witherspoon ever played into one girl, you get this one. Her name is Amy and she gives lectures about abstaining from everything from sex to chocolate. I think this little girl has good intentions, but bless her heart she is so smug that she doesn’t realize Simon is sooo mocking her. (Funny how she “preaches” about abstinence while wearing a skimpy mini-dress.) She sings an okay version of “Reflection;” Paula loves her but Simon thinks she is annoying and tells her so. They put her through to Hollywood and tell her to give Ryan “the speech.”
The judges are tired and don’t even care anymore. Meanwhile we see that the expectant parents have made it to the hospital.
Finally we get the LMN moment of the evening. London is a gorgeous blonde lady who put her music career on hold when her dad was diagnosed with cancer. Now that he has passed away, she wants to make him proud. She does a Billie Holliday song and has a beautiful voice. The judges are not overly impressed but I think she is great and have my fingers crossed for her… and she makes it, yay! Weird how Randy says that he is going to put her through “based on just your vocals.” Ummm, and what else would you base it on, Mr. Jackson?? My Hubby ventures a guess but we won’t go there…
Ryan says that 15 other people made it through to the next round and we get to see too brief glimpses of some of those victories.
Day Two and its more sunshine from Charleston and southern accents galore. I feel right at home, as does Randy who says “the south is gonna rise again.” And Paula has been shopping at Hookers ‘R Us again, oh snap!
First up is a REAL woman; her name is Lyndsey and she is a pilot in the Air Force. She is a gorgeous young lady and they show her in uniform with her C17, and with her coworkers and talking about her dad. I have to wipe some tears away; these are the real heroes who deserve all the respect in the world. There are a few former military folks that I work with and they are every level of awesome that exists, especially the ladies. At the audition Lyndsey sings “Black Velvet” and it’s a bit shaky; she is nervous and quivery but not bad. We are so devastated when she doesn’t make it through to the next round.
While I am still PO’ed about the Air Force lady not making it, they introduce us to a big-boobied gal named Aretha. And yes she was named after that Aretha. She starts out okay on “I Have Nothing” but goes completely off-key towards the end. Simon makes fun of every single thing about her but she keeps insisting that she has a “beautiful and amazing” voice. Yes Aretha, so do I... Next!
Ergh, am still irritated and now we are subjected to a spaz who massacres the Dream Girls song. Then he gets all “oh no you di’nt!!” and makes with the playa hatin.’ Bored now.
After that it’s more bad singers who are sad and ticked and surprised and teary and immature.
The brand new dad, Oliver, gets a second chance and brings his newborn baby girl and wife to the audition. I am really expecting him to be incredible because they have invested so much time in his ordeal. But alas he is just so-so with a weird vibrato and does not make it through. Maybe he can sing to his new baby who mercifully has her eyes closed when her mom brings her in to “meet” the judges. Sweet though, how Paula says she wants to change her mind after seeing the baby.
Charleston ends with 23 total contestants making it through and we only got to see scant few minutes of those good ones.
Next week will be from Omaha. 'Til then, rock on Emma Grace!
Charleston Favorites:
Best Male Singer: Jeffery
Best Female Singer: London
Best Life Story: Lyndsey
Tonight’s Quotes:
Simon: "You’re a little tiger, aren’t you Deana?"
DeAnna: "DeAnna… That’s why I spell my name with a capital A, just to eliminate the whole Deana. It’s Dee Anna."
Jeffery: "Simon, I have my dog tags on for you. Because you have that military presence. But I love you."
Randy: "Hello; what’s your name?"
Amy: "I’m Amy Catherine. Amy, Amy Catherine, AC. Whatev."
Aretha: "… yeah they got baaad opinions on music, totally."
Joshua: "… this show is fake and rigged."
Simon: "What did you say?"
Joshua: "Faked and rigged! Because I can sing!"
(Yeah Joshua, so can a lot of people...)
