Nude Buttocks May Cost ABC $1.4 Million

I stole that headline directly from the Associated Press. I admit it, because it was way too funny, and too perfect to paraphrase. NYPD Blue is in trouble again, for some bare ass-edness. Whose nude buttocks are so pricey you ask? Actress Charlotte Ross. Yeah, not Dennis Franz, so I really don’t see what the problem was. You’re probably sitting there asking yourself, “Wait, NYPD Blue is still on the air?” No, no it’s not. This was for an episode that aired on February 25th, 2003. Yes your math is correct, that was nearly five years ago. The FCC must have one insane work backlog. I know they talk about the inefficiency of the government, but damn. Late last night they issued a massive fine against ABC and its affiliates for showing some bootay.

The commission late Friday issued a proposed fine totaling almost $1.4 million against 50-some ABC affiliates for airing a Feb. 25, 2003, episode of NYPD Blue that included "adult female nudity," specifically a "small portion of one side of her breasts" and a side view of her buttocks, the FCC said, and another scene of her naked from the back. Rather than the fleeting nudity and profanity decisions currently being challenged in court, the FCC said the scene "dwelled" on the nudity and was lingering," as well as "shocking and titillating."

[From Broadcasting Cable]

My God, both lingering and titillating? I can’t believe riots didn’t break out in the street! What’s next, teenagers dancing? Men and women holding hands in the street? The FCC is either totally ridiculous or absolutely essential depending on your views on decency vs. censorship. Which is a debate I’m not even going to get into here because it’s a Saturday and my brain only runs on 30 percent of its normal power on the weekend. What I am going to do is make fun of the FCC’s reasons. Because they’re utterly hysterical. And who couldn’t use a nice mid-weekend chuckle?

The FCC defines indecent content as depicting or describing "sexual or excretory activities" in a "patently offensive way." ABC argued that "the buttocks are not a sexual organ." But the agency rejected that, saying buttocks qualifies as both sexual and excretory.

[From First Coast News]

Wow, the buttocks really are a multifaceted body part, aren’t they? I wonder how much they would have been fined if the butt were not excretory? Does anything excretory count? For example I have a crazy sinus infection, and have been blowing some bizarre things out of my nose. Is my nose thus excretory? Are noses therefore indecent? If so we need to talk about something I saw on the channel four news last night. Brian Williams was indecent all over the place.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Charlotte Ross' ad for PETA. Her buns look downright inoffensive to me.