All Roads Lead to Hollywood

February 12, 2008

Seven cities… biggest crowds ever… 164 golden tickets given… Ryan promises a Brand New Hollywood Week…

We see snatches of Old Hollywood week episodes, including partying, arguing and tears, but most notably “My spirit has been broken.”

Voiceover Ryan explains that for the first two days, no one will be sent packing. A few folks will be so good that they will pass right to the final 50, but most of them will have to perform more than once. Also, contestants are allowed to play instruments but only during Day One of Hollywood week.

Brooke White, the nanny to twins, is the first one up and she plays keyboards while singing a lovely song called “Beautiful.” It’s nice in an Anna Nalick kinda way, but I can’t remember her five minutes later. She easily makes it through to the final round.

But next up is a curly-haired gal in a mini-skirt who massacres “Man I Feel Like a Woman.” Shania Twain is another artist that is hard to do, not because of the singing but because that “wow” factor is untouchable. At least Simon cracks a funny: “It’s like when your mum gets drunk and starts dancing and you’re like ... Oh God stop.”

Dance Captain Amy in a shiny bridesmaid dress lets out a bad note and a cute little pout. And the self-proclaimed “wannabe homecoming queen” Leo blows whatever song he is singing, which turns out to be the Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves song. Simon’s not nice to either of these kids.

Next we have a montage of folks playing instruments in a not good way. We have an “angry girl in her bedroom, screaming on her guitar.” A boy who sings okay but messes up his strumming pretty badly. A couple of piano players get shot down. The worst one though is the poor cutie who plays drums while trying to sing “Hooked on a Feeling.” It sounds like one of those wedding receptions where people drink too much wine and try to get their groove on. Simon says that the only redeeming thing about it was they stopped it early.

Up next is a guy that I don’t remember seeing before, David Hernandez. My Kid and I are loving this guy! He has a fabulous and unique voice, even on the old song “Love the One You’re With.” Randy says he loved it from “note one.” As Paula said, “100 trazillion percent.” He is my new favorite guy singer because YES, I am fickle. He seems to have a great personality as well, always a plus when it comes to viewer voting time.

Quick flashes of some yes's and some no's and taunts of not being original or star material.

My favorite gal, Amanda the rocker/biker/nurse shows Ryan a picture of a mangled car. We find out that she was in a serious car accident recently and has cracked ribs and head staples. She is brave to even be there in Hollywood. Amanda sings the Doors “Light My Fire” and she is freakin’ awesome, one of a kind. My Kid and I agree (wow that’s twice in a row!) that we want her CD right now.

Because we have had too much goodness in a row, they now throw a montage of Don’t Forget the Lyrics up in the mix. Some guy who looks like my mechanic sucks on “Stuck in the Middle with You.” I am disappointed that an early favorite of mine, Cardin is so bad and annoying. One gal just bobs her head along to the beat. “Kill me now,” indeed.

When Ghaleb comes out with his guitar, My Kid exclaims, “Sayid got off Lost Island!” Heh. The “I Am Your Brother” angel/pimp dude sang better than this guy. It is painful to listen to, but at least he seems to have made a luv connection with Cardin, who flirts with him after the judges let him down.

Day Two… contestants chat candidly about “hell week” and Ryan reminds us again that we have more talent than ever before.

Josiah, the poor pitiful living-in-car boy is profiled next and it is so nice that he has a place with a shower now, at least for a few days. He plays keyboards and sings a song that I have never heard before and although I am not overwhelmed by the strange “British vibe,” he does pretty well. The judges triple love him.

Evidently the song selection was very slim, as we hear the old Leo Sayer song “When I Need You” over and over again. Little Danny gives it his all; he is such a princess. Tattooed Carly sounds okay, but we’re not blown away by her yet.

Tiny Ramiele sounds fabulous on a Stevie Wonder classic. The Australian guy Michael is extremely good-looking. More importantly he sings well also, although I liked Amanda’s version of “Light My Fire” better.

Danny, Carly, Ramiele and Michael all make it through to the final round. Simon snarks to the other contestants that Carly will be the “one to hate because she’s good.” Pimpage much??

Another favorite of ours, the rocker David Cook, plays his guitar while singing “Everything I Do” and it would be absolutely great if we had not already grown weary of this song years ago. Paula and Randy put him through, although Simon thinks he will be “vulnerable” without his guitar. David makes cute banter with Ryan during his interview bit.

Now we are trapped in one of those nightmares where a song is accidentally put on “repeat” and you are forced at gunpoint to listen to it over and over. Who needs waterboarding when you have American Idol??

It’s that recurring Bryan Adams song: Robbie tries to rock it; not-on-meth-anymore Jessica tries to countrify it; Perrie goes all Luther V. and Syesha channels Whitney. Finally, a young guy named Colton (but not the Colton that we have seen previously) does a very acceptable boy-band version. He reminds me of Spinelli on General Hospital and My Kid professes her undying devotion.

The little political science guy, Kyle, is up next and we see him interact with the other female contestants and he is adorably dorky. On stage he sings an over-the-top song that we have never heard of and it’s not howling-dog bad but close. Paula is rocking in her seat but Simon is not impressed or amused. He even does the such-a-diva walkout. Brat.

We are reminded that no one was cut the first two days and they all get a second chance. Almost 50 of them have already made it to the final round later in the week. However, 116 are very thankful to get this last opportunity.

Simon’s monologue is enough to scare even the most seasoned pro and the pressure is high. My Kid proclaims about the judges, “I don’t mean to be rude, but they blame the contestants for sucking but they’re the ones that put them through to begin with.” Good point. (She is still bitter about the never-been-kissed boy not making it through.)

A look back at single parents Perrie and Suzanne and their struggle to make a better life for their kids. They are both good singers and we are hoping the best for them. Alas, it is not meant to be; they do not perform horribly but get cut anyway. These two would make a cute couple; hopefully they at least exchanged email addresses.

Amy, the little abstinence girl, still seems very off-putting to me. Have to give her kudos for bringing her vocal coach along; at least she is working hard. She tries to sing a song that her coach just taught her and she gives her best effort but doesn’t make it though. Strange how they spent so much time profiling her just to show her getting the axe. Maybe High School Musical IV could be in Amy’s future.

We see a lot of people getting cut, meltdowns, major drama, and “moments of truth.” Ryan says that you can “literally hear a pin drop.” Sad sobs from the car wreck lady Kayla, who looks more like The Closer than ever. The Celine-like Daddy’s girl did not make it either. And one boy goes all sour grapes… ‘bye.

Because we are very forgetful, they flash us back to the history of Kristy Cook, Cage Fighter. Kristy is cute but not sure why she chose this bad hairdo. Hello, you are being filmed. But she sings her original audition song again and it’s the best version of “Amazing Grace” ever.

We also get a recap of Big Crazy Jeffery and his duet partner sister. Jeffrey is left alone since his sister was eliminated. He was funny the first time I saw him but now he is just irritating. He sings a weird song about pecan pie and sugar and chocolate swirl but somehow squeaks through to annoy another day.

The gal with the special-needs daughter, Angela sounds good but she still has the “wedding singer” affectations that Simon warned her about early on. I am very disappointed to see her get cut but in a way it is for the best; her kid needs her more than AI does. Plus her father’s recent passing is just too much to bear.

Ryan uses his funeral-home voice to tell us that tomorrow is the FINAL chance for the contestants to impress the judges.

So it seems that this year we don’t have to hear the torture of the GROUP singings. Instead, the contestants have to learn a song to perform with backup singers and the band. Shots of weary kids practicing, but thankfully they do not show the backbiting, name calling and exasperating spats like in seasons past.

It’s lecture time again, as Simon warns the group that they just might hate them and for punishment they will have to go be on one of those horrible reality shows on the E! Network. Or something to that effect.

The Jumper movie icon guy gets on my TV screen and I am so annoyed at this thing that I refuse to go see that movie on principal. And I love that sci-fi stuff.

They show a montage of Star Search’s David but we don’t even get to hear the song he does with the keyboard. What was up with that? Now we will never know why Paula was doing the “we’re not worthy” bow. David sings Bryan Adams “Heaven” and he is practically perfect on this song. What an adorable youngster! The judges love him but not as much as My Kid does.

Kyle is up again and he is such the perfect mix of Covais and Aiken that he seems a shoe-in. His version of the overdone Josh Groban song is way too high-school-talent-show-in-the- cafetorium. Simon realizes that it’s not too late to ‘pologize (no matter what that One Republic song says.)

Big Jeffery is cut after an out-of-tune song and will irritate us (and the other contestants) no more. I hope they are as relieved as we are. Hard to believe that I had him on my annual Aunt Pearl’s pick for the Top 24.

Unfortunately another one of my early favorites, Joey (who was the very first one shown on the first episode in Philly) does not do well and is cut. He blames it on his migraine and truly does look rough.

Now it’s drama time complete with flash cards. Seems that Syesha is losing her voice and is scared to death of blowing her second chance. But she does an impressive version of “Chain of Fools” and makes it through. Randy (whose red shoes match the red Coke cup perfectly) says she is “one to watch.”

The Australian heartthrob, Michael Johns sings the Queen song that Pickler did in Season 5 (yes I am reminiscing already, sue me.) He does well and makes it through. My Hubby, Kid and I all love Queen and all three of us break into another one of their songs - “I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike.” Hubby says, “That Freddy Krueger sure could sing real good!” and Our Kid and I laugh at him. (It’s funny if you’re us.)

Irish lady Carly is up next and talks about her dog allergies and how wearing a mask has helped her save her voice, so she hopes. She sings Heart’s “Alone” and I personally do not think that anyone should sing a Heart song unless her name is Ann Wilson. Just saying. The judges think that Carly is great and put her through to the final round.

Asiah, the gal whose dad died while she was at her audition, sounds fantastic on a Mary J. song, much better than her first tryout. She could be another candidate for Tyra’s show if this AI thing doesn’t work out. Not loving her hairdo, but she is now my second favorite girl, after Amanda.

The spoiled lil’ beauty queen, Brooke attempts “Unchained Melody” and it’s okay except she loses it completely on the glory notes. This chick has never heard the word NO until tonight. Surprisingly enough it was Paula teaching the lesson. Go Ms. Abdul!

Brooke is not alone in her tears, as we see other ladies crying in the lobby as well, including Corliss and the gal that looks like she could be Fantasia’s younger sister.

Little Homeless Boy Josiah goes on and on and on about his hard night and the destruction of his dreams and suddenly I can no longer hear anything except violins. Got no use for whiners, sorry. Grow the eff up!! Go back home, go back to school, get a part-time job at the mall. Debra, the AI vocal coach is way too patient and sweet to him, but he is not cooperative. He pretty much tells the house band to get lost and sings “Stand By Me” a cappella. It is NOT good and the judges try to give him constructive criticism. But he just stares at them as if he were a T-888 and they are John Connor. It is very uncomfortable. Then the waterworks ensue and he is given another chance.

We hear the new “exit” song and we had better relish it now before we grow weary of it. It’s called “Hollywood is Not America” by Ferras and it plays as we see jumps of joy and tears of heartache.

The three judges hide in the underground secret level of Credit Dauphine, or maybe they’re just in the empty auditorium. At any rate, now is the time that they will go through the Polaroid mug shots and make their final decision.

The Top 50 contestants have now been chosen; tomorrow night we will learn the Top 24. Let’s see if the spoilers are right… and yes I did give in and take a peak. Only human.

One last note … Dear Contestants: Please, no more grape popsicles right before showtime, okay? Thanks! Love, Aunt Pearl.