Top 10 Men Take on the 70s

February 26, 2008

Dapper Ryan informs us that ALL eyes will be on the American Idol stage. Well, at least 28 million of them give or take.

The music of my girlhood is the theme of tonight’s show: songs of the 70s. YAY! Love that genre. As we watch the ten guys do the goofy-wave-to-the-camera during intro, I wonder if we dare hope for a classic tune from the Eagles or Fleetwood Mac. I would settle for some Skynrd, Zeppelin, Floyd… so much to chose from, but alas the AI catalog is so slim of cleared songs.

Also, tonight each guy will get a chance to tell us more about himself via the pre-sing video montage. So while we wait, I will take this opportunity to tell you something that you might not know about me, Aunt Pearl. Here goes – other than American Idol (and a couple of other talent-oriented shows) I can not stand reality shows; they make my blood curdle. There is not a single survivor, bachelor, dancer, chef, nanny, judge, woodworker, model, poker player, celeb-trash, or rock-star-looking-for-booty that I can tolerate. Okay, enough about me, on with the show…

Ryan does his cheerleading act with the boys then panders to the judges. It must be close to payday or some such. The judges speak mostly in clichés in regards to their expectations tonight. To sum up: Bring It On is not just a movie starring Kirsten Dunst.

First up in spot numero-forgettable-o is Michael, which is fair since he got the coveted pimp spot last week. What America doesn’t know about him: he is a champion tennis player and looks good in shorts and a headband. I can name his song in just two notes, since it’s one of my favorites of all time - “Go Your Own Way” by Fleetwood Mac!! I still have the Buckingham/Nicks album from Lindsey and Stevie’s early days. Love that band and tremendously enjoyed the reunion concert and album The Dance. Tonight Michael is okay but he is way out of his league trying to touch this one. He is sporting a serious cow lick too, but it only makes him more appealing somehow. Randy and Paula think he’s good and Simon says he was “coasting along.” Michael loves Fleetwood Mac, so he doesn’t really care what The Brit thinks, so there.

Ryan smooches iTunes before introducing the next one up, the dreadlocked Jason C. Castro’s secret is that he loves music more than anything but this whole American Idol thing involves interviews and having pictures taken and stupid junk like that. He is so over it already. Tonight he does a song by the late Andy Gibb, “I Just Want to be Your Everything,” and plays the guitar again. As last week, he has a pleasant voice and his performance is okay if you are sitting at a coffee house or some place like that. I notice that Jason looks a bit like Vinnie Barbarino with a mop on his head. When I tell My Kid that, she says (of course) WHO? Randy likes the guitar but Paula wants him to lose it next week. Simon calls him “schmaltzy” and gives him the song-choice lecture, which is SO lame, because we all know that the catalog is limited.

Next up is Luke, who tells us that he is playing Wolverine’s son in the next X-Men movie. Not really. Luke has been in an a cappella band called Chapter 6 and they travel all over the world. Luke sings the really high parts, so we see in the clip. Tonight he has a really nice hairdo and sexy stubble, but darn it; he is doing “Killer Queen” and Freddie Mercury, he is NOT. He is not awful on the song, but there are parts that are whiny enough to make my little doggie’s ears perk up in dismay. Randy respects that he had the stones to tackle Queen and thought he was better this week than last. Paula concurs, then takes total credit for him being in the top 24, which Simon naturally mocks. He proceeds to rip Luke a new one for a thousand years. Luke takes it like a man and says, “Last week I was 0 for 3, tonight I’m 2 for 3 so I’ll take it…” Funny how Ryan calls Luke Dawson’s Creek.

Next, Ryan is on the red couch talking to Robbie. Is he a rocker or not? A non-bandanna’d Robbie says YES, and then we learn his secret – he used to date Britney Spears? Well, yes and no. Yes, he did date her briefly but that’s not what he’s telling us tonight. He’s into drag racing and is total butch about it. For his performance tonight, he attempts the Foreigner classic “Hot Blooded” but it’s tepid, barely warm, let alone “hot.” Robbie is the pure definition of POSEUR when you look it up in the Urban Dictionary. Randy calls him on it too, and rightly tells him that he does not have enough “grunt” in his voice. Paula says that only HE knows who he really is deep down inside. Then there is much discussion that goes on long enough for us to notice that Robbie could really use some Nexxus Humectress. Simon tells him not to be so darn defensive but concedes that he was “okay.”

Now we have Jessica Alba’s long lost kid sister – Danny. He informs us that for about five minutes he was in a punk rock band. We see pictures of him with his female friends and it’s hard to tell which one is the girl. Danny is prettier than all of them. Can’t figure out what he is singing tonight until about halfway through. It’s the Carpenters song about Karen falling for a guitar player who leaves her. When I was a kid, that song made me so sad, then I became a teenager and actually experienced the whole heart-broken-by-skeezy-musician thing. I say all this to keep from dozing off. Danny has a powerful voice but it’s a snoozefest. I can’t watch him or listen to him for more than two seconds before the eye twitches begin. All three judges give him a mostly positive critique and Simon even tells him how good he looks on camera, even decked out in grandpa’s sweater. “ISH!”

Looking more than ever like one of the Vega brothers on One Life to Live, next up is David H. He reveals that when he was a kid, he was into gymnastics. Even though the outfits were lame, he could do a mean cartwheel. Tonight he starts out on the stairs and gives us a bona fide performance, y’all. His version of “Papa was a Rollin’ Stone” is a tiny bit over-the-top but it should be, as it’s a story song. In light of David’s background, this must be a tough song for him to sing but he really gets into the lyrics. Randy is ecstatic about David being BACK and Paula mentions the “pocket” thing that none of us understand. Simon is now his biggest fan and says he was the best so far tonight. He also admires the way that David does not do the “I’m such a diva” sulking thing that so many of them do. Funny moment when David proclaims, “Thank you God!” and has to explain he wasn’t talking to Simon.

The thing that America does not know about Jason Y., is that he’s a performer in a Branson, Missouri show called Country Tonite. Actually, he doesn’t discuss that tidbit; he tells us about his musical instrument abilities. He has taught himself how to play drums, piano, and guitar, which is impressive to me since I never mastered the tambourine or triangle. He sings a Doobie Brothers song, I think the name of it is “Without Love” or it may be another title. Jason ups the Velvetta to its cheesiest level yet. His posturing reminds me of a singing televangelist that I saw one time. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it’s just not right for this show. Randy and Paula tell him that he should have picked a “singer song” which is valid. Simon throws out the “drunk at a party” analogy, which is offensive, but Jason takes the criticism in stride.

Last week’s “great pumpkin” is back tonight looking like a prep school student. Before performing in his royal and lime polo shirt, Chikezie explains the origins of his name. While I dig Nigerian history as much as the next very boring person, let’s get on with the show please. Chikezie sings one of the songs that Elliott did back on AI5, “I Believe to My Soul.” If I had never heard Elliott’s version of this song, I would enjoy Chikezie’s take on it. He seems to be singing directly to Simon about the whole “knowing my name” lyric, which is entertaining. His voice and attitude are much better tonight than last week. All three judges applaud his performance and triple love him as they should. Simon still can’t get his name right and wants to call him “Chi.” Neither can My Kid who wants to call him Carlton Banks. Hysterical moment when Chikezie riffs on Simon’s taste in clothes. Classic!

Next up, David C. tells us that he is a “word nerd.” He loves puzzles and whatnot and it’s all very geeky and strange. He makes up for it though with a solid performance of “All Right Now,” complete with rocking out on electric guitar. Now this is the real deal; he has the cocky stance that all genuine rockers have, but the music drowns him out somewhat. Randy likes the way that he threw guitar picks out to the girls and that HE is the genuine rocker in the competition this year. An Uncle Creepy moment occurs when Paula mentions that junior high girls love guitar players and David says he’s all right with that. Ewww. Simon did not like the “word nerd” tidbit and then plays the “no charisma” card. David cops a ‘tude, Simon gets all beyotchy, then Paula speaks the one-liner of the evening: “Women like smart men.” Simon is still ticked though, so watch out.

Last but certainly not least, we have my very favorite contestant of the season so far – David A. He tells us about the time he sang for Kelly C. and some other season one folks, and they adored him. This child is so charming, it’s almost too good to be for real. Tonight, he sings “Imagine,” which is one of those songs that is so well-loved that it takes a brave person to do a cover. His version is slow and dreamy and perfect. My Kid loves his smile and his black leather jacket more than the song. David is like puppies and sunshine and bubbles at a birthday party. All three judges pronounce their undying affection and gratitude just to be in his presence. Simon even says that he is the one to beat and “there are nineteen very miserable contestants sitting here tonight.” During Ryan banter, David proves he is a graduate of the Melinda Doolittle School of Humility. Love this kid!

Recap time and the best three were the Davids – Archuleta, Hernandez, and Cook. My prediction to go home this week – Jason Y. and Luke. My Kid agrees but Hubby says that Danny needs to go PLEASE!! That kid annoys us almost as much as that weird thing that Simon does with his hand when he lectures everyone on the planet about what it takes to have good vocals.

Quotes:

Regarding the critique of Luke’s performance -
Ryan: Paula, you’re going one way, Simon in the other direction.
Paula: That’s normal.
Simon: Oh, that’s a first. (rolls eyes)

During Ryan/Danny banter –
Ryan: So you …agree with them…?
Danny: Yeah I do; last week was a disaster. Even though I gave you the little (does the girly head shake)…
Simon: So you agreed with me?
Danny: Ish. Kinda.
(Paula and Randy laugh and do a high-five in glee.)
Simon: Try to say it without moving your head. Did you agree with me?
Danny (turns with head very stiff): ISH.
Ryan: Now that’s trying too hard.

After Jason Y. goes on and on and on -
Ryan: You look miserable, Simon.
Simon: Well, you know it’s like the Oscars, it’s never ending, the speeches, when we need the Oscar music… duh duh duh duh duh.
Ryan: Cue the music…

Chikezie discusses his performance last week -
Chikezie: … I like my suit. I honestly do…
Simon: So you would wear that suit again?...
Chikezie: I love my suit … I can’t wear it again, I already wore it on TV! You can’t wear it twice … only you do that… (laughter) I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…
Simon: Chikezie, just when I am beginning to like you again, you become obnoxious. .. and your mother is horrified…

Tomorrow night, the gals take on songs of flower power and bell bottoms… ‘til then.