Can the Final 7 “Carey” Mariah Night?

April 15, 2008

For the first time this season, I am not looking forward to watching my favorite show. Not just because it’s Tax Day, or that Michael Johns is gone, or that KLC is still there. Mostly because I am not a Mariah Carey fan. The only song of hers that I remotely like is her first hit “Vision of Love” and that is the song that Michael would have performed if he had made it to this week.

Even Ryan says that he doesn’t understand how the awesome Aussie was ousted. Oh well, the show (and my blogging) must go on, even though I am flying solo tonight. My Kid and Hubby are both otherwise engaged.

Everyone looks marvelous tonight – Ryan, the judges, and all seven contestants. And wow, when did Archuleta become a man?? Gee, I feel pervy.

We are treated to the Mariah montage highlighting her amazing voice, fabulous bod, slutty outfits and self-inflated ego. No mention of the Sugar Daddy who made it all possible though. She does give a shout-out to Randy which is cool. Mariah also seems at ease and friendly with the contestants, so we have to give her credit for that.

Ryan and Randy chat about how tonight’s theme goes against the grain of what the judges usually want from the singers. They usually warn against taking on the divas, but here we are. As with all guest coaches, Mariah will be shown chatting with the contestants and saying something positive about each one.

First up is Little David, who is looking astonishingly hot tonight in black leather pants and an abstract shirt. In the video, Mariah tells him that if he wants to go into the falsetto she wouldn’t be mad at him. So that’s who Randy got that “mad at cha” stuff from. This evening David is singing “When You Believe,” which is not a song I am familiar with. No matter though, because he OWNS this song now. He is incredible and shows his range from high voice to low. What an awesome kid! Can I be a mosh pit girl? Yeah, I know, too old. Randy says that he can sing anything and that was “da bomb.” Paula tells David that he made everybody proud. Simon was not surprised that David chose that song and thinks he did it well. Ryan goes TMI with David about his eating habits, just to remind us that he’s just a human being after all.

Carly and Ryan take the stools to chat about “MJ” and how much she misses her Friend from Down Under. Carly has a serious fan-girl moment with Mariah, but they seem to get along well during rehearsal. Tonight she has finally donned an outfit that looks flattering and covers her tats. She is a lovely girl and her rendition of the classic “Without You” is very good. However, no one (not even Nilsson or Mariah) can do this song as good as the Heart version from their Magazine album. Per chatter on the ‘net, Simon suggested to Carly that she perform this song tonight. Randy tells her it was pretty good but she needs to believe in herself more. Paula talks about restraints and swells or some such. Simon bursts everyone’s bubble by telling Carly that she didn’t pull it off. Ryan asks Carly something about pretending to be singing back at the bar. Foreshadow much?

When Syesha meets Mariah, we find out what happens when famous-diva and wannabe-diva collide. It’s vocal coaching with kid gloves and fake air kisses. A thousand gallons of yuck, that’s what happens. Ms. Carey and Ms. Mercado have more in common than they realize; they both love themselves more than anyone else ever could. Tonight Syesha sings a song called “Vanishing,” another one I have never heard. She looks incredibly beautiful tonight, even though the ‘fro is out to here. She takes the glory notes out and stomps them and them kilts ‘em. Randy reminds her that she always takes the hardest song and she did good by it this time. Paula tells her she’s smart to pick a lesser known song and did a beautiful job. Simon disagrees about the obscure song choice but she did well technically. Syesha shoots daggers from her eyes but smiles real big and it’s scary to watch.

Brooke gets the stools with Ryan Chat Time next. She looks the best ever, in a sparkly dress and wild curly hair. They talk about how contrary to rumors (stupid TMZ!) there was NOT a cardboard cut-out of Brooke at her sister’s wedding. Mariah says that Brooke is genuine, the real deal. No cardboard. Tonight Brooke plays piano and sings “Hero” in the same way that she always does – breathless, heartfelt, plaintive. As she has done with other diva-like songs, Brooke makes this one her own and does an excellent job. I like her version so much better, as it is minus the Mariah-like melisma. Randy liked the singer-songwriter vibe she brought to it, and I wish she would NOT babble. Paula enjoyed the “unplugged” version and tells her not to stress on the off notes. Simon compares her to burgers without meat, and Brooke must be vegan because she looks confused.

America’s favorite cowgirl, Kristy is up next, in the spot where Michael should be. Or Amanda. Or Hernandez. Or Alaina. Or etc. etc. During practice, Mariah says that Kristy gave her goosebumps, which of course the country girl milks for all it’s worth. KLC performs yet another song that I have never heard, “Forever.” She looks gorgeous tonight with Brigitte Bardot hair, but alas she does not sound nearly as well on stage as she did during rehearsal with Ms. Carey. It’s not her most horrible performance but still not great. But hey, Pickler won a CMT award, so anything can happen. Randy didn’t think it was amazing either but tells her she stepped it up. Paula interrupts him to tell Kristy how incredibly clever she is and that she blew her away. Kristy mentions that she gave Mariah chills, but Simon says that she didn’t give him chills, and that it was whiny.

Ryan borrows a pimp hat and sits with Ramiele in the audience before introducing Rocker Dave. His cancer-stricken brother is in the audience tonight as well, courtesy of medical transportation. In the video, Mariah expresses concern about the changes that Dave is making to “Always Be My Baby,” probably because she’s never heard the word “emo” before. I enjoy Dave’s performances very much but tonight his voice seems to be too low at first. When he kicks it up a notch though, it sounds very good, then as the song progresses it’s incredible. Next to the Cook family, the judges are his biggest fans tonight. Randy gives him a standing ovation and says it was the most brilliant act of the season. Paula pronounces that his version of the Mariah song could be on a movie soundtrack. Simon praises David as well, and our rocker has tears in his eyes. So do I.

Mr. Seacrest is in rare form tonight, although I don’t blame him for attacking the Simon for President sign. He finally introduces Jason who is in the money spot, and is adorably exactly the same tonight as always. Mariah seems to get a good vibe from Jason; she is a red-blooded woman after all. He sings a song called “I Don’t Want to Cry” and if I have ever heard it before I don’t remember it. I really need My Kid to watch this show with me, to keep me up on these things. Jason is laid-back, pleasant, and sounds Starbucks good. Randy does not love it and compares it to being at a beach luau. Simon does not know what that is, which is kinda funny. I can totally see Jason wearing a lei, can’t you? Paula wants to be at the luau and enjoyed his zone and his confidence and everything else tonight. The audience goes wild when Simon agrees with Paula, and says it was a “cool version.”

Recap time if you set your DVR for overtime… it’s hard to determine who was the best tonight, as most of them did well. I think I liked Brooke the best because she was so non-Mariah-like. However, last week my favorite was Michael and he was sent packing. So what do I know?

It’s anyone’s guess as to who will go home tomorrow night. If Kristy or Syesha left, it would be anticlimactic at this point. I am going to go on a wild limb and predict that Carly will be packing her bags. Not sure why, just a gut feeling, even though my guts are notoriously off 99% of the time.

Quotes:
Paula (to Brooke about missing notes): Don’t ever let that speed you up…
Simon: Can we speed you up?
Paula: Say “thank you” for giving you that line…

Simon (to Rocker Dave): “It was like coming out of karaoke hell… and into a breath of fresh air.”

‘Til tomorrow when we see who will be Carey’d into the final six.