As a die-hard fan once again, I am all over the “interwebs” searching for American Idol news and updates. I was surprised to read that most folks were disappointed in last night’s performances from the guys. My Kid Tru and I didn’t find them to be so bad, except for Jordan “OMG You are Not Usher” Dorsey.
We did notice that the music seemed to be drowning out the vocalists. I read that Nigel tweeted his apologies about the sound quality, but this seems to happen every year. I think they do it on purpose so that sub-par contestants have a scapegoat when they bomb, but then again I am jaded.
“Who do you love?” Ryan asks from a shadowy stage. My Kid Tru says, “Well, you for one Mr. Seacrest.” I love watching this show with her.
Once again, the judges are introduced with a big intro on the stage. ST’s future is so bright he has to wear shades, Randy is wearing his favorite Mr. Rogers sweater, and Jen is a superhero from the future.
Ryan makes a joke about being short. All he needs to do is watch one episode of The Soup and he will hear all the short jokes he ever needs. (We also love you, Joel McHale!)
It’s time for Ask the Judges. Jennifer thinks that the girls will be “explosive.” Randy thinks that THIS is American Idol. Steven and his long feather are addicted to adrenalin and full moons. Tru and I feel kinda bad for Randy – the crowd cheered wild for J.Lo and even wilder for ST, but for him… silence. Oh well, he is sad all the way to the bank I guess.
As last night with the boys, the girls can select “any” song to perform tonight. We all know that this is not really true – the song has to be put through a variety of legal channels and be “approved.” As they say in corporate America "It is what it is."
First up is the really pretty gal with all the Ts in her name. I am going to get tired of typing Ta-Tynisa, but then again probably not. She is not doing well on the Rihanna hit “Only Girl in the World” but looks great and has a cute outfit. ST disagrees with us and thinks she’s fabulous, but he was probably distracted by her shiny legs. But Jen likes her too, so what the heck do we know? Thankfully Randy tells it like it is – it was just okay. He and Jen argue for about a hundred years before Ryan referees a time out. Can’t we all at least agree that the boots did not go with the dress? Ryan says yes. (Not really.)
Naima is on the chat stool with Ryan as we are mesmerized by the crazy Coke logo. Tru and I like Naima and even more now that she tells Ryan how she designs all those wild, wonderful dresses. On stage, she does “Summertime” which makes me nervous at first – I love Fantasia’s version of this song. Naima totally puts her own spin on it, jazzing it up and making it upbeat. We learn that her name means “exotic flower” which is fitting. Randy dings her on being a lounge act and he recalls Ms. Barrino also. ST compares her to Ella Fitzgerald. One thing is for sure – they will be no more cleaning toilets for Naima.
We learn that Kendra was a bathtub salesgirl prior to Idol, and that in her initial audition she had some kickass shoes. Tonight she is wearing leather pants from the Lady Heather collection and some chains. She sings a song that I have never heard before; Tru tells me that it’s “Impossible” by Christina Anguskankyho. Maybe I like Kendra’s version so much because I have no basis of comparison? Randy compares her to Lauryn Hill, who I remember vaguely before she poofed. The others like Kendra too, and Jen even reminds everybody that Kendra has been one of those underdog contestants this year.
My Kid Tru’s favorite is up next – the contestant who would not stop trying, Rachel. I haven’t been a fan of hers so far, past or present. It takes awhile to figure out what the heck she is singing and it’s halfway over before we realize it’s “Criminal.” Rachel has totally changed the tune and style of the song and she’s so busy posing and acting that her voice is not good. At least she looks beautiful, the best we’ve ever seen her. Even Tru agrees that her girl “needs to be redeemed” and owes Fiona an apology now. The judges are not happy with the Broadway-esque of the performance and Rachel is broken-hearted.
We quickly segue to Karen, who is in extra pageant mode tonight. Everything screams “Miss Universe” –long dress, standing still, dramatic hand gestures, the song “Hero.” She has flat ironed her hair and we notice that it’s the same color as Jen’s. We notice this because we are bored and trying to stay awake. The judges disagree because they love Karen, especially how she sung in both English and Spanish. Karen is a pretty girl and we’ve definitely heard Mariah done worse on this show. Tru says that she hopes no one asks her any questions about “maps and such.” I laugh so hard that I wake the puppy up.
Ryan reminds us again that J.Lo has a new song/video out and it’s sponsored by Ford. I figured her more of a limo kinda gal. Or at least a convertible like in that video where she keeps throwing things out of the car because she's mad about having too many possessions. Or something like that, but I digress.
For the first time, we learn that Lauren Turner was compared to Bette Midler in the early rounds. This is so true! She is a powerhouse vocalist and I don’t know the song, but she’s doing great. It’s funny that she is singing about “scrubbing dirty floors” because she was a maid. She won’t have to do that anymore; even if Idol doesn't work out, she’s awesome. I’m afraid she won’t make the cut because she’s been an underdog all season. Randy exclaims that she reminds him of Amy Winehouse and someone named Florence. (Tru says it’s a compliment.) Jen wants Lauren to get in the camera’s face, and I can totally see her doing that.
For no apparent reason, James hangs all over Ryan as he reminds us that tomorrow night is results time. Was that skit for another short joke maybe?
Anyway. Next up is the lovely Ashthon, who has not impressed us so far with her singing. It seems like they picked a lot of these girls based on looks; Tru reminds me that they’ve always done that. Ashthon sings something about having “Love All Over Me” and it sounds like something icky. Moist towelette anyone? She has great stage presence but this is a horrible song. Before we can even contemplate how much she looks like a young Tyra Banks, it’s finally over. The judges liked her, and she is so cute telling J.Lo how she’s trying to emulate her neck moves. Adorable gal, but please no more Monica songs.
We are reminded of Julie and all of her various flouncy skirts. She is very stylish and pretty; tonight she looks like she’s ready for prom. (Side note: According to the interwebs, Julie and Casey went to prom together.) Tonight her song choice is puzzling and all kinds of wrong for her. “Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson is meant for a big diva-ish voice, not a sweet vocal like Julie’s. As we sit through this performance, Tru and I recall that this song was co-written by Avril Lavigne, one of her favorites back in the “Complicated” days. The judges tell Julie that this was not a good choice for her and they are disappointed.
The next contestant is one of those rarities that pop up every year – Haley has a voice that people either love a lot or hate a lot. All season I’ve been pegging her as this year’s Megan Joy. However, tonight she sings “Fallin’” and keeps the growling to a minimum. Because she’s still a teenager, something about her performance reminds me of a little girl dressing up in mom’s clothes and singing in front of the mirror. Actually I bet she did this a lot growing up; all that posing and spinning. Randy was not impressed and plays the karaoke card. ST and Jen disagree whole-heartedly, and it’s two against one again.
Ryan reminds us that this year mere infants in Rainbow Brite outfits were eligible for the competition. Like Thia, who is 15 but has the voice of a 30-year-old. She sings the sad song from Fame, a movie that came out before her parents were even born. Thia sings well I guess, I would know if I was awake. Tru and I speculate that she is a Bot, perhaps of the T-1000 series like in the Sarah Connor Chronicles. Hopefully she has been programmed for good. The judges seem to think so – ST talks about pitch and Randy about tone. In a WTH moment, Randy compares Thia to Michael Jackson. What did I miss during nap time?
Country girl Lauren Alaina is up next. The pretty teenager has tamed her hairdo and is dressed in age appropriate attire tonight. Tru loves this girl a lot and tries to explain to me that Lauren has a crush on ST but not in a creepy way. On stage Lauren sings a country song that I don’t know, “Turn on the Radio.” The lyrics are catchy and Lauren performs well. She owns the stage; she has natural ability and the judges agree. Randy says she’s like a blend of Kelly and Carrie and that will be true in time. Evidently she has given Ryan the nickname Peaches because they’re both from Georgia. America just threw up a little.
We didn’t know that Pia is a former makeup artist but it explains a lot about how good she always looks. She could be a movie star if the singing thing doesn’t work out. Or on a cool series on USA, because they have the best shows. Looks like Pia will be on Idol for awhile because she does a great job with the Pretenders “I’ll Stand by You.” She puts her heart into the song and it reminds me of the Carrie Underwood Idol Gives Back version. The big note at the end brings the judges and her competition to their collective feet. Randy proclaims she deserved the standing O and she is a shoo-in for the finals.
To recap: Ta-Ty wants to feel like the only girl in the world who should go home tonight, Naima spreads her wings in a homemade dress, Kendra says it’s impossible to move in the leather pants, Rachel needs a good defense for massacring Apple, Karen is “yo quiero Taco Bell” or something, Lauren tells us the days of the week in the order of a fool, Ashthon has some sugar all over herself, Julie will take a stand but not tonight, Haley keeps falling in and out of that tight dress, Thia wants to belong to Miss Teen USA, Lauren tells us where to go on the radio, and Pia will stand by you in the top ten.
Now I am off to online voting – will be casting mine for Kendra. Probably both Laurens also and Naima. The revamped AI website is really cool with loads of info for the superfan (me.)
Quotes from tonight:
Ryan: Randy, with all due respect, it takes a lot to move you.
Lauren Turner: I’m sarcastic, America. Just so you know.
Steven: You know, after Monday and Tuesday, even a week says WTF.
Tomorrow night will be the big reveal. Which five guys and five gals will make it? Will Ryan wear the undertaker suit again? How many times will ST say “beautiful?” Will Randy ever get a cheer from the crowd? Most importantly, which hairstyle will Jen have? We shall see …
