“No matter how much we love them, one of them must head home,” to paraphrase Ryan. He still seems to be highly caffeinated. Perhaps he is newly in love or something. That girl from the dancing show maybe?
Last night - Jacob didn’t believe a single word was true, Lauren would go to the ends of the earth, Scotty will come running to see you again, James gives you love so sweetly, Casey is gonna find some of that old sweet roll, Haley gets up in the morning with a smile on her face.
The judges arrive and for the love of Miss Kitty, Steven is sporting a cowboy hat. Jen is pretty in red and Randy has some kind of red block on his tee shirt. Why do I notice what the judges wear each night? Because they WANT us to. And since Ryan is always in a boring business suit, we have to notice someone, right?
Ryan warns us that we should expect to be disappointed tonight. Which means that Brother Lusk is not going anywhere. SIGH. “Every corner of the country has a contestant that they love.” The six are sent to the couches for now.
Our host teases Steven about being on the cover of both Rolling Stone and People magazines. Not as “most beautiful woman in the world” but as “bad boy gone sweetheart.” Steven is enjoying being relatively relevant again. Randy just basks in the glow, glad to be in the presence. (Yeah right. He is so seething inside.)
Bruno Mars and Crystal Bowersox will be on the show tonight. Seacrest makes a Charlie Sheen reference. (Dear Whoever-writes-Ryan’s-jokes: You are several weeks too late, dude. That ship has sailed on Good Ship Goddesses. Your friend, Aunt Pearl.)
This somehow segues to a Royal Wedding party that the top 6 attended at the British Consulate. I have a good friend from England that I love dearly, and she is excited about the upcoming nuptials of William and Kate. It’s not my cup of tea, so to speak. Our contestants pretend to have a good time, and none of them have good fake British accents. Meryl Streep, your career is safe.
Now it’s time for the Six to do a medley of Carole King songs. It’s one part awesome/three parts awkward as six strong voices try to compete with each other. From “Take Good Care of My Baby” to “It’s Too Late,” no harmony is left unmaimed. And poor Scotty sits amidst a gaggle of twelve-year-olds to croon “Go Away Little Girl.” Escape McCreery! Run from the tweeners! I do so much love these group numbers; they are so wonderfully cheesy.
Back to the couches for an iTunes shout out. Lauren and Haley both have awesome shoes. This week’s Ford video is set to the song “Our House” and they borrow the A-Ha concept of drawing things that then come true. They sketch objects in a room that materialize and of course a garage for the Fords.
Season nine runner up Crystal Bowersox sings her new single “Riding with the Radio.” There is some cool harmonica and slide guitar action. “Whatever became of good old rock and roll?” the song asks. So much agreement! I didn’t watch the show last year but have seen a couple of her videos, and I like her singing style a lot. Girls with guitars who really sing with real voices and not auto-tuned crap. And wow she is wearing actual clothes and not a costume. That is so rare. This is a really good song that I will be downloading before the night is over. “If you want to sing a song just sing it,” Crystal croons as she glances to the kids on the couch. Awesome!
Next it’s time to ask contestants questions that have been submitted by fans. A blue screen has scrolling text on it and technology is cool.
Who would Casey like to do a duet with? He says Oscar Peterson and three people in the audience (plus Randy) pretend to know who he is. Something jazz.
How did Jacob find out that he had such an incredible range to his voice? Why at choir practice. Duh y’all. Recognize!
What is the hardest thing for Lauren as an Idol finalist? Missing friends and family and worrying about them when tornados hit. She was sincere and articulate. Thank you Lauren.
Did Scotty the Body (please stop that Ryan) ever have a job before Idol? Yes, he worked in a grocery store (Lowes Foods), and also at his mom’s tanning salon, to his embarrassment.
Did James play with a band pre-Idol? Yes and TMZ already knew this and other fun facts about him. I loathe them and only learn about stuff by accident. Honest!
Who is Haley’s favorite past Idol contestant? Glambert, Kelly, Lee from her hometown, and Crystal because she’s here tonight.
Time for results; Ryan will call them out in random order. Haley is called to center stage first. We hear a snippet of her performance and Steven “seeing God.” Then Jimmy chimes in that Haley doesn’t know who she is as an artist. This ticks her off so she gets a bleep and a scolding from Ryan. Haley tries to explain who she is and how it all fits in with these darn themes. Randy says he knows. Kudos to Haley for standing her ground; too bad viewers don’t normally like candor! Fortunately Haley is safe this week.
Next up is Scotty and we are reminded of storytelling strengths and getting out of the country zone. Jimmy compares him to Johnny Cash but is worried that his subtlety will get lost. 15 million tweeners disagree. Scotty doesn’t get a bleep though; he is a church-going boy. Ryan plays a trick - he doesn’t tell Scotty that he was bottom 3, only to hold on for a little while.
Lauren is brought up next. Last night she sang to a random boy and a couple of fake blonde fembots. She went hard for it and everyone was proud of her voice cracking. Jimmy says Lauren needs to stop focusing on the negative and that she is here for the long run. Lauren promises that she is grateful to be there. She is also told to take a seat; she is not told safe OR bottom three. This is odd.
Last night Casey “met the devil and he was mighty slick.” So was that fedora he tossed to the audience. It was exciting and entertaining for the mother-loving sake of jazz. Jimmy predicts that Casey will go on to be a great singer songwriter but criticizes the showman’s need to growl all the time. I completely concur with Jimmy. Casey says it’s his pent up aggression and passion for music; he just can’t help it. Ryan will get to his result later. Goodness. So much tension in the Idoldome.
James is on stage next and do we love him tomorrow? Steven thinks so and reminisced about his younger wilder days. James has been consistently strong every week. Jimmy says that James is not believable on the metal tunes but could win the crown with the right songs. James is safe.
“Oh no not my baby” Jacob is next to (maybe) learn his fate. He shook his tail feathers and brought out an imperfect boogie. Jimmy thinks his crazy outfit looked like something from that dancing show, and he is on banana peel status.
Ryan tells Jacob to stay put and brings back Scotty, Lauren, and Casey. Lauren is safe. At no time has Ryan mentioned the bottom three. The internet polls have predicted a 75% chance that Jacob is the one going home, but I will not be surprised if Casey’s number is up.
Bruno Mars is up next; this is a pre-recorded performance. Right off the bat, I am not impressed because wearing sunglasses inside is never cool unless you are blind. Is Bruno blind? Must google; no he is not. So shades off indoors, dude. Good, he takes them off, so I can enjoy the performance now. My Kid Tru says that his ditty is called “The Lazy Song.” There are no grenades involved with this one though.
Back to the stage, and Ryan reminds us that results are in random order tonight. Does that mean that this is not the official bottom three? Are shenanigans afoot, Uncle Nigel? Jacob is safe and no one is more surprised than Brother Lusk. This leaves Scotty and Casey, hello - a no brainer. Casey is already nodding because he knows he’s gone.
His montage reminds us of the melodica-playing contestant who was compared to Fraggle Rock. So many shots of those orange plaid shorts; they must be his security blanket. Casey talks about bringing jazz back, and I know he has made me a fan of the genre. “Don’t you forget about me,” David Cook sings. “We are watching someone important.” Reminder of the judges' save and his path to redemption. “The dream gets bigger.” We will miss the eccentric weird beard with the upright bass. We will miss you, Casey Abrams.
Casey’s sing out is “I Put a Spell on You,” and he now has the right to go forward with every trick in the book. Growling, crazy faces, hugs and kisses to everyone in the audience except his mom. (That would be too hard though, and he has to hold it together. He can’t even look at her.) When he rolls back on to the stage he sings the last line “you are mine” right to Haley. Wow. That was epic.
Quotes:
Steven: I may be good but when I’m bad I’m even better.
Ryan: No Taylor Hicks?
Jimmy: Casey has got to realize that the family dog does not vote on this show.
It’s a bummer that Lusky Stank outlasted our lovable lumberjack. I will be casting my votes to Haley from now on and not because of their alleged connection. She has really blossomed as an artist right before our eyes.
Am off to iTunes to download everything I can find from Mamasox. Don’t forget the Royal Wedding tomorrow. Ta. Cheerio. Pip pip. Tally ho. (Or as we say here in the southern part of the USA, “bye y’all.”)
