It’s a Grand Ole Top Eleven

According to a lot of the AI fan sites and forums, “country night” is dreaded like the plague, the dentist, and the principal’s office all put together.

I grew up listening to classic country music and I loved it back then. These days I don’t listen to country music often, usually just once a year when it’s paraded before us on Idol. For special reasons I will always love Alan Jackson more than any other celebrity.

Since season 8 has been in repeat-o mode since day one, oft-performed songs from years past will more than likely be heard tonight. I've bet My Hubby dinner that at least one Carrie Underwood song will be done, but he wisely does not bet against that action.

Although there are a few southerners in the top 11, there aren’t any “real” country singers this year. No token Gracin or Carrie or Pickler or Bucky or Kristy Lee. At least tonight should bring a few surprises, but five bucks says that Adam will do “Ring of Fire.”

It’s funny when the judges step down from the gigantic stage, because Simon looks like a bum the others picked up on the way to the Kodak Theater. (Silly crazillionaires, geesh.) At least Randy can’t “boo” him from way up there; that would be way tackier than doing it from the judges’ table.

Ryan wishes everyone Happy St. Patrick’s Day and to grab a pint or five. Then the stage lights up with cool green flashing shamrocks and plays Irish music. Sadly, no leprechauns though. (Because Ryan is not wearing green.)

Same old Ryan/Judge banter ensues because we have two hours to fill with eleven 90 second songs. Simon sarcastically says that two hours is just not enough country music for him. As usual, I agree but would have been less derisive about it (maybe.)

Ryan explains the history of The Grand Ole Opry and its importance and impact to the music industry. We see footage of Carrie being invited to join the Opry by Randy Travis. It would be exciting if she had one tenth of an ounce of personality.

Randy is also the mentor this week and we’ll see clips of his time with each contestant. He’s in the audience tonight with his wife Lib. Randy is a North Carolina boy and one of those artists who still seems down to earth. I’ve always enjoyed “Forever and Ever Amen,” and his gospel songs from the Glory Train album are very good.

It’s funny to see the eleven kids gather around Mr. Travis and the piano and pretend to know who he is. Randy appears to be a humble, likable gentleman and hopefully the contestants will take his advice.

In the spot of doom tonight is Michael, or as Ryan calls him “Sarver,” who’s doing a Garth Brooks song. (At Aunt Pearl’s house he’s known as Barf Brooks; he’s just too arrogant for us, sorry. But we like Trisha though, so go figure.) The ditty “Ain’t Going Down ‘Til the Sun Comes Up” is one of those 100-MPH songs that requires lots of breath to perform correctly. Sarver does okay, especially when he jams with the harmonica player on the steps. Not a bad vocal, just meh. He gets the words right as far as we can tell, so props for that. As we expected, the judges now want him to be their token country singer for season 8; this is not a box that Michael wants to be forced into. Unfortunately, Michael commits the no-no of sassing back to Simon. This could hurt the guy who is known mainly for his “nice guy” persona.

Rocker chick Allison is going to maybe/maybe not take the advice of this week’s mentor who tells her not to be “too cute.” The Patty Loveless song “Blame it On Your Heart” is another one with tricky lyrics. I used to love this song back in the day. Allison turns it into another Heart-ish power vocal which is not necessarily a bad thing. We like Allison and how she doesn’t try to disguise her teenage quirks. Overall she does well and we don’t feel that she’s “headed for a heartache.” The gal judges thought she did great and will go far. (Not sure if they meant in the competition or in life or what.) Simon wrongly thinks she was struggling with the lyrics and Randy calls her “dope.” (No, not Paula’s.) Allison also learns a new word: “precocious” which means “being cool but not being packaged, programmed or pageant-y.”

Cutie-pie Kris plays his guitar during his practice session with Randy T. but does not use it tonight on stage. He sings another Barf, er Garth song, a ballad called “To Make You Feel My Love.” He does the sit-on-stool-and-look-terrified bit. Kris sings very well but he does not look very comfortable. Weird how even the camera man is in on Simon’s “hide the wife” conspiracy – when zooming on the family, they cut to the parents and leave her out of the shot for the most part. The judges seem overly surprised at how good he did, especially Simon. Randy dubs Kris “Tender Dawg” which quickly gets changed to “puppy.” Whatever works right? At least Ryan gets to talk about Simon’s “but” and that is very funny to me in my head because I am immature like that.

Next up is our gal Lil who looks stunning tonight in pink satin. The fake bangs are gone, the better to showcase her gorgeous face. On the chat-stools with Ryan, Lil admits she’s out of her element but will give it her best shot. She does the Martina McBride song that was a Carrie trademark in season 4 – “Independence Day.” (My Kid says, “Because nothing says ‘vote for me’ better than a song about arson and murder.”) Good thing the song can be edited to leave out those crucial elements, and tonight Lil almost makes us forget that anyone else ever sang this. Of course the judges don’t like it very much, because they’re “ridiculous” sometimes. Randy needs to STHU telling Lil she should have done the Dolly/Whitney song. Simon pulls out the “wedding singer” card and can’t get Lil’s name right.

Randy Travis has an interesting session with Adam. He’s not sure of Adam’s Middle Eastern version of “Ring of Fire” (called it!) or his black nail polish. It sounds like Ryan is introducing him as “Adam Glambert” which may have been a Freudian slip? Adam takes the Daughtry-Cook method of “cover of covers” and steps it up a notch. Dear Lord. Like always, Adam’s voice is amazing but the way he looks in the camera reminds me of the show Fringe. The man can hit notes that maybe only Freddie Mercury’s ever even dreamed about. The gal judges thought it was strange, and Simon loathes it, but Randy gives a tourettes-like critique of glowing remarks. Just occurring – Adam looks a bit like Garth’s alter ego Chris Gaines with a bit of Elvis thrown in.

My favorite Martina song is featured next, “Wild Angels.” (That is one of the best country videos ever.) Scott is putting his very own spin on the song, to the dismay of this week’s mentor. Fingers are crossed. Scott’s Greatest American Hero hairdo is toned down tonight and he looks nice. (Every time I see him I think of that show’s theme song “believe it or not, I’m walking on air.”) Anyway, I digress. Tonight Scott plays the piano again and at first is a snooze-fest. When he steps up to the chorus, he sounds great; then he kicks in to overdrive and loses it a bit. His rendition was totally his own and overall it’s good. Paula tells him that he needs to sing without the piano, Simon disagrees and then it’s WWE Judge Match. It takes me a sec to realize what Scott meant about “losing the hat picks,” but I can totally see how that would mess him up.

Because of Alexis I had the MJ song “Dirty Diana” stuck in my head for days. It was the only one that stuck with me from last week. The awesome pixie blonde tells Ryan that she likes country music, being from the south and all. She’s teased as someone who looks like Dolly Parton, which makes me laugh. I love Dolly, but Alexis looks like the Barbie version of her maybe. Last year Brooke did an all-smiles version of “Jolene,” but Alexis is going to make us forget about that. This gal is so incredible; she sings and performs like a seasoned pro already. We love her!! So evidently the judges are on the crazy meds – they call her pitchy and sound-alike and even ding her for not trying to be a Carrie imitator. Alexis wasn’t perfect but they pretty much rip her a new one. I am very upset with them right now because they are morons.

A thousand commercials later and I am still irritated. Almost too annoyed to enjoy Danny’s “humorous” practice session with Randy Travis. Of course he is singing “Jesus Take the Wheel.” Of course he is. Okay, so here’s the deal… I like Danny’s voice. And now that they have stopped playing the “dead wife” card, I enjoy his segments. But there is something off-putting about him that I can’t put my finger on. On the Carrie song, the verses are coma-inducing but he picks up the chorus and shines in that Gokey voice. He sounds great at the end. One question: why wear your ski jacket while performing? Ha, even Simon wants to know the answer to that one. The gal judges disagree about which half of the song they liked but it doesn’t matter. Danny’s a shoo-in.

Contrary to what Alexis (and I) said earlier tonight, not everyone from the south knows and enjoys country music. Take Anoop for instance. He is surprisingly impressive during his mentoring session; in case we have forgotten he does have a great voice. Anoop proves his worthiness with “Always on My Mind” – it is simple and lovely. Willie, Elvis, Cash, Brenda Lee, and the other zillion people who recorded this song would be proud of him. He set out to prove that he is serious about this competition and he succeeded. The judges are sure pleased with his performance; “Anoop is back!” indeed. I wonder if Paula did the “glove” analogy on purpose. Simon takes back almost all the mean things he said last week. (Anoop doesn’t get dinged on wearing his coat indoors though.) Even the band gets applause although they are tucked away somewhere.

Megan looks beautiful tonight in a long gown and flowing hair. She’s doing Patsy Cline’s old “Walkin’ After Midnight,” and Randy T. is impressed at the “liberties” she’s taking with the melody. I interpret that to mean: you have a weird-ass voice and you are going to jack this song up for realz. My Hubby and Kid and I are struggling to understand the appeal of this gal’s singing voice. I never thought that I’d ever hear myself say “Kellie Pickler sounded better on this song in season five.” Of course, the judges adore her, the gold eye make-up, her bouncy-bouncies, everything. After the beating they gave the MUCH better Alexis, hearing them praise Caw-Caw girl is disappointing to me. As if that’s not enough, they play the “Megan’s got the flu” card and let us know she’s been in the hospital. Damsel + Distress = Votes. Now go cough on Ryan.

Piano man Matt gets the pimp spot tonight. As he was with most of the singers tonight, Randy T. was puzzled with the song choices and then thrilled by them. Same with Matt who does the recent Carrie hit “So Small.” The good thing about guys doing “girl” songs is that they won’t be compared to the original. Like David Cook’s “Always Be My Baby” last year, Matt takes this to a different level. His piano playing is grand (pardon the pun.) For the first time I am impressed and glad he got one of the Wild Card spots. Best of all, no hat and no scarf, yay. And no Coldplay. The judges seem amazed that Matt is so good. Paula can’t even talk at this point. (All together now: Au-then-ci-ty.) The guy judges like the Michael Buble-ness of Matt and it’s a good close to the show.

Quotes of the Night:

Michael (probably the last sentence he’ll say on American Idol): “If we were all perfect, we wouldn’t need this show.”

Simon: “Little…”
Lil: “It’s LIL, Simon!”

Adam: “I don't know about self-discipline, but it'll be signature.”

Kara (about Adam): “It left me confused and sort of… happy.”
Simon: “Just like Paula.”

Ryan: “We’ve come a long way from when Taylor Hicks was standing here.”

Scott (about the piano causing him not to connect to the audience): “We can move it closer.”

Simon (about Danny’s coat): “It’s like you’re going on a polar expedition.”

Simon (to Anoop): “You’ve gone from zero to hero.”

Simon (to Megan): “You should have the flu every week.”

Kara: “Matt, there ain’t nothing small about you.”

Looking back over the highlights of the 11 performers tonight, I have one thought: Whatever is in the pipe being passed around at the judges’ table tonight? I want some.