Eight for the 80s – The Gals

March 5, 2008

Tonight it’s the ladies turn to take on the decade of Ferris Bueller, Fantasy Island, and Footloose. MTV, “Manic Monday,” and mixed tapes. E.T. & Elliott, Cliff & Claire, and Jack & Diane. A good walk down memory lane of some of the things I enjoyed back then…

Will the girls be sporting acid washed skinny jeans and banana clips? Paula seems to think that they should and is somewhat disappointed that they look fairly normal tonight, whatever “normal” means these days. As long as no one does Bananarama, we’ll be okay.

Ryan polls the judges for some mumbo jumbo about the performances thus far. Also, it seems that a Dr. Huxtable-dressed Randy is “too nice.” No news there, Seacrest.

As last night, each young lady will reveal her most embarrassing moment. Out of the hundreds of humiliating times of my life, the most recent would be when I fell out of my chair during a staff meeting. Or maybe when … never mind, moving on.

First up is Asia’h who tells us in a very cheerful manner about the time she messed up some fancy footwork as an extra in a roller skating movie. Tonight she breaks rule number one and (sigh!) does Whitney. At least it’s a Whitney song that’s only been done three other times on this show, so that’s good. Her hairdo looks much better but the outfit is just meh. I am trying to remember if high-waisted jeans were in fashion then; if so then this style faux pas can be forgiven. She prances down those stairs like a pro, never missing a step. Her voice is good, not great, but she is as infectious as ever, very bouncy and energetic. Paula has caught the dancing bug too, and is jamming out (like there’s no tomorrow, ha ha.) It’s like being at a pep rally or glee club. In the eighties, which is the goal, supposedly. This is much better than last week at any rate, even though her voice seems to be in the midst of bronchitis or something. Randy reminds us that he recorded that song with Ms. Houston, back when she was not a celebri-train-wreck. He thinks that Asia’h was hot and Paula agrees that she “nailed it.” By the way, Paula looks pretty with her hair pulled back and younger too; someone please send her a memo. Simon calls Asia’h a “second rate Whitney,” which excites Asia’h to no end. The cheerleader comes out big time as Asia’h beams.

Next up is Kady who chats with Ryan on the red couch. She admits that last week she did expect to go home, since she sucked way more than Alaina. In her vid, she talks about the time she tripped over a microphone at a music audition and brought the speakers down. Alas, her impression of feedback is better than her take of the Queen song “Who Wants to Live Forever.” Kat did this so much better back in season five. I still think of Connor and Duncan MacLeod (of the clan MacLeod) when I hear this song. Kady seems to have a lisp tonight. My ears hurt when she hits the high notes even though the lower ones are okay. My little dog is kinda scared right now, though. Randy believes the opposite of me; he liked the high notes and not the low ones. Shows what I know, right? My earballs must be built differently. Paula liked the “tenderness of your voice” and a thousand other things. Simon likes her better than last week but disses her on her personality or lack thereof. He even calls her a “Stepford wife,” but we’re unsure if it’s the Katherine Ross or Nicole Kidman model. Ryan has a blast with this, since he’s probably thinking about all the times he stood next to Carrie a few short years ago. Unfortunately, Ms. Malloy is no Ms. Underwood, so this may be the last time we get to see the Britney impersonator on the Idol stage.

Now we have the girl who was my favorite at the beginning of the season, but the fickle finger of fate comes around every year. I want to like her again after last week’s fiasco. Amanda is funny in her video, talking about setting a barbeque grill on fire that burned her deck and scorched her pool. This is a reminder of why we liked her so much in the first place – she reminds us of someone who might live in our own neighborhood. Tonight Amanda is rocking out to Joan Jett & the Blackhearts “I Hate Myself for Loving You.” Joan Jett was a favorite of mine from way back, and who didn’t love her as Michael J. Fox’s older, messed-up sister in the film Light of Day? Anyways, it’s a relief to see Amanda back in her element, especially the grrrrrrowl she does in the middle. She seems to have taken every piece of advice from the previous weeks to heart. Amanda totally rocks out on this song. Randy and Paula agree that she is back to the “bluesy rocker chick” that they all fell in love with at her first audition. Simon proclaims that “it was fantastic” and further states that “it was one of my favorite girl performances” so far. YAY for Amanda! She is looking as serious as her mug shot photo though and everyone encourages her to smile. She must be feeling the pressure, because she can’t even seem to fake a small grin.

Carly is up next and she goes a bit TMI with her embarrassing “leg caught in a railing” moment. Just goes to show you can’t count on your friends when they’re drunk. Carly looks pretty tonight even with the PTA-meeting hair. She seems like a very nice young lady and eager to win this competition. Tonight she sings “I Drove All Night” which was a hit for Cyndi Lauper in the 80s but redone by Celine in the 90s. I have never liked this song, especially the Roy Orbison version because hello, you’re wearing sunglasses, please don’t drive at night. Plus the lyrics are rather stalkerish. It sounds like Carly is doing the Celine version, but she is one of the few females this year who can get away with the “don’t do the divas” rule. Carly does great, practically perfect except for the extra added power note at the end. Randy and Paula agree that she was fabulous. Randy says “you keep smashing it every week” and then Paula calls her a “dependable dog.” Fortunately Carly does not get offended by this, especially since she remembers that Paula is only quoting Simon from a couple weeks back. Simon doesn’t like the song and yes, it was the Celine version (I knew it!) but he acknowledges that she could “sing the phone book” and it would be good. Ryan points out Carly’s beautiful mom in the audience who is visiting from Ireland in the awwww moment of the evening.

Now it’s Kristy’s turn to tell us about the time she was very young and pretended to be a dog. Wow, kids do that all the time and they are not embarrassed by it. Last week, Kristy promised to bring some country up onto the AI stage, as that is definitely her platform. For some reason she is doing “Faithfully” by Journey, which is a fabulous song, if you are Steve Perry. With all of the country music superstars from the 80s, seems like Kristy would have chosen something by Reba or Barbara Mandrell, or maybe even Janie Fricke or Lorrie Morgan. I can name at least twenty songs that would have been better than this drivel. “Faithfully” is one of the songs that just doesn’t need that country twang put to it. And the red tongue again tonight is very distracting; is it cherry Kool-Aid or Popsicle or maybe a cough drop? Is she a vampire? Randy reminds us for the thousandth time that he worked with Journey and he likes dogs, so Kristy had him at the first yip. Both Randy and Paula think that it could be a country hit on the charts right now today. Paula adds that she has “nothing but positivity to say.” Simon says that she was good and he liked the “country influence” but pronounces her forgettable and “at the best I can see you coming in tenth.” Girl Next Door Kristy gladly proclaims that she is okay with that number.

Next up is tiny Ramiele, who does not talk about the silly photos of her that are popping up all over the internet, but about an incident that happened in fifth grade with a boy. Gee, when I was in fifth grade I thought boys were dumb. Still do sometimes. Anyways, Ramiele is singing the Katharine McPhee version of the Phil Collins song “Against All Odds” and she does a good job with it, although not as dramatic as Kat. The movie with Rachel Ward and Jeff Bridges is a favorite guilty pleasure that has no happy ending. Hopefully things will go better for Ramiele tonight, even though she is dressed like a librarian’s assistant and never seems to connect to the song. After calling her “Rama Lee,” Randy likes her just as much as ever but wants her to stop overthinking and just “go for it.” Paula decides against the “color” analogy again and opts for “textures” instead. Stupid time-wasting idiocy with the Dawg Pound being a Mutt Pound and everything gets real silly. The judges act like total J.D.s sometimes. Mr. States-the-Obvious plays the “little and cute” card and wraps up with “I'm not jumping out of my chair on that.” Simon, you wouldn’t jump out of your chair if Ramiele did one of the dances from her online pictures. Ryan tries to dig for info about who she’s singing to, but Ramiele is like, MYOB, it’s TMTH!

Nanny No More Brooke is next and she talks about a time that she was leaving church and grabbed hold of her dad, only it wasn’t her dad. Oops. Tonight Brooke sits on the edge of the stage and while one guy plays acoustic guitar, she does a completely folk version of Pat Benatar’s “Love is a Battlefield.” Pat is one of the singers that conjures memories from my early teen years; have loved her since the “Heartbreaker” days. When I hear her songs I think of Billie Jean and Jenna Rink and lots of feathers for some reason. Anyways, Brooke’s version is very enjoyable and a nice change of pace for the show. So often the contestants will take a ballad and make it a rocker and this is just the opposite of that. Good job Ms. White, even with the cereal box decoder ring. All three judges agree although Randy says she didn’t bring “anything new” to the song which is stupid. Did Paula or did she not choreograph Pat’s video is also a burning question that only Randy seems to care about. Paula thought Brooke should have used the band more while Simon liked the acoustic version. Then the moronic histrionics break out again; someone has something other than Coke in that red cup it seems. Poor darling and lovely Brooke stands there patiently for a thousand years. She’s way too mature for this show and oh how we all know it.

Last up is Syesha who surely has never had an embarrassing moment in her life. She digs way down into the memory bank to talk about bubblegum and a boy she liked in second grade. Geesh, these girls start early. Tonight she goes all-out full-fledged Whitney impersonator with “Saving All My Love For You,” one of those annoying songs that tries to make having an affair with a married man sound all sweet and special. Didn’t she do a song with this theme last week? There seems to be a pattern here. Everything about Syesha annoys me, not sure why. Something about her seems very contrived. She is a gorgeous gal but I don’t like the shorts and heels combo, brings back memories of Hot Legs Haley. At least Syesha can sing which she does very well in a polished, very technical way. As many times as the judges, critics, bloggers (like me) and magazine reviewers all say “please don’t dive into the diva pool,” they just don’t listen. So here we go again… the trio of judges have settled down from their antics and must be in time-out because their reviews of Syesha are very quick. Randy says simply “good, good” while Paula says “sophisticated, lovely.” Simon quickly adds, “bit predictable but good.” Seems like Syesha got gypped but that could be a good thing come critique time. Funny when Syesha lets out an exaggerated “Thanks, y’all.”

Recap time and Carly is the best vocal by far, with Amanda giving it her all performance-wise. Brooke gets kudos for originality though.

Going home, please for the love of heaven, Kady “Annoy” Malloy. Even though Simon proclaimed her to be the best of the evening, I have a bad feeling that we will lose our girl Amanda tomorrow night. Not because of her singing but her I-don’t- give-a-crap ‘tude. (The way she was lounging on the red couch like a bored teenager reminded me of My Kid.) My pick to exit is Syesha who would be better suited for Tyra’s modeling show anyways.

Quotes of the evening:

Simon: I’m not going to go into a long conversation. I've made the point, Ryan. Understand it.
Ryan: It’s going to be a long show folks…

Ryan (to Ramiele): You ready to go? Well, you should head down now because you’ve got about ten seconds to get down there and you’ve got very short legs and you’ve got a lot of stairs.

Paula (to Simon, who declares he is lost): I'm gonna pull you right back in.

Tonight’s burning question: are the high-waisted pants back in? Say it ain’t so!

Until tomorrow when we learn our Final 12.