The drama is building. The tension is high. And that is just at Aunt Pearl’s House! Just kidding! Not. Seriously though, those tinkling keys at the intro made me think that I’d accidentally changed the channel to Lifetime Movie Network.
Last night Sir Elton John’s songs told us: Scotty is in a truck going home, Naima is feeling like a little kid, Paul is not the man we think at all, Pia doesn’t want to be losing everything, Stefano counts the headlights on the highway, Lauren is never knowing who to cling to when the rain sets in, James has had it with this discipline, Thia still feels the pain from a scar that won’t heal, Casey hopes we don’t mind that he put down in words, Jacob wants to know when lightening will strike him, Haley has electric boots and a mohair suit.
Random thought: if I was lucky enough to be in the Idoldome, I wouldn’t be one of those sign-carrying people. Especially one as lame as JUST GIMME A KISS STEVEN.
When they come on stage, Jen and ST laugh like they share a joke that Randy isn’t in on. And Beetlejuice pants - really Mr. Tyler?
55 million votes came in and half of those were for Ryan to change his hair back. You are not starring on Mad Men, SEACREST. Reminder number 1,748 - we have no more saves people. It’s on America now.
Our Top 11 Part 2, otherwise known as this summer's "touring group" come out to the great delight of the fans. They get to go sit on the couches for awhile and just chillax.
Fantasia will perform tonight as well as Jamie Foxx and one of the Black Eyed Pea guys. I expect vocal acrobatics and some auto-tuning, in that order.
No group song with all 11 contestants tonight and the crowd went Yay, I mean Aw! Instead we will have Group Rounds but without the melodrama of Hollywood week.
First up, Scotty and Lauren do a duet. It’s the song that Carrie and Randy Travis did on the show a couple of years ago. Copy cat much producers? Lauren and Scotty do great solo but their voices don’t really blend well together, and she drowns him out more than a little. Can’t help but think – look it’s DJ Tanner and Richie Cunningham, to which My Kid says who?
Now it’s time to lock them doors and turn the lights down low. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) Scotty and Lauren are of course both safe as babies in their blankies. Two cute kids, and we're glad about these country teenagers.
Before the Ford video, the 11 plug a contest about finding icons on the website or some such. Finally the music vid song is one I’ve heard before, "Kryptonite." They have some kind of superhero thing going on. I love those comic book movies so this is a fun video for me.
Ryan tells us about another contest, some kind of scavenger hunt for a Ford. Who has time, really? What will all the blogging and whatnot. J
Then it’s "ask the contestants stupid questions" time. They chat about Casey’s nicely trimmed beard. James has a fake rasslin' belt as well as a MASSIVE fan base. Ryan hints that the Durbs needs to dial back a little bit; he is not a rock superstar yet.
Next Naima and Jacob do the old "Solid as a Rock" song from back in the disco day. Again, they sound fine separately but together it’s rather shaky. Contestants on So You Think You Can Dance are safe from these two. We do finally get the "pointy pose" though, which is worth the ticket price.
Dimming lights… Jacob is safe and in spite of getting a "boom shaka laka" from Steven last night, Naima is in the bottom three. At least Naima looks really pretty tonight on the silver stool of doom; she doesn’t seem surprised at all.
Now we have season four winner, Fantasia; she wants to "take Idol back old school" with a song called “Collard Greens and Corn Bread.” Southerners understand the appeal of the title of this song. Fantasia is sporting an odd blonde hairdo but she is shiny in the red dress. Her trademark raspy lisp is still evident when she sings the love song about soul food and sweet potato pie. I am really hungry now. I think I’ll go to Cracker Barrel for lunch tomorrow.
Fantasia ends the song with a gentle “Steven, I love you” which gets the audience to its feet. She cautions the current crop of contestants to keep themselves surrounded by people who really care about them, because success is not all peaches and cream. REALLY hungry now!
We have more group singing – Haley, Thia, and Pia. Ugh, they are doing a Katy Perry song. She’s a cute gal but her songs get on my last nerve. This is one of the worst, the one about getting "your hands on me in my skintight jeans" or some such slutfest mess. I have to take my puppy out of the room until this is over because it’s a bad influence!
At least all three girls look pretty tonight as Ryan gets to the “buzz kill.” Who is not safe out of these three? Based on last night’s performances, it will probably be Thia. When Ryan’s says Pia is safe, the camera flashes to the audience and we see Pia’ Family. Flashcard Fail, lolz. Thia is the one in the bottom three. Will the reign of Jasmine 3.0 and Ramiele 2.0 be over tonight?
In the audience - that cutie patootie Kris Allen and his equally gorgeous wife Katy. Remember when Simon kept telling Kris to hide her? I don't miss Cowell.
Now it’s time for some behind the scenes footage. We get to see what the Idols have been up to these past few weeks. They did a charity event in Phoenix, met Muhammad Ali and Reba; they hob-nobbed with previous Idol winners Kelly Clarkson and Jordin Sparks.
The Idol mansion got flooded and the contestants had to move out. So much for all that “haunted” gossip, not that I believed it. Well maybe a little. They are being transferred to an ordinary ol' hotel. Bummer.
Back to work at Interscope for recordings, then to the spa to get their "hair did" and whatnot. Then stage work with Marc Anthony, who appears to be giving them H E double hockey sticks.
Then it's practice, perform, results ... Casey needing a doctor, Casey crying and upset because he can’t look the others in the eye now. Then they all hug him and everything is okay. This show man. I need a Kleenex.
Next, we get to see the debut of the season 10 Idol "garage band" – Paul, Casey, Stefano and James. They are doing "Band on the Run," and it’s a good thing that they are all perusing solo careers. These guys DO NOT sound good together at all. It's a hot HOT mess from the first note to the last "ooh ooh ooh."
Both Ryan and Steven lie and say that Band Idol has a future in the music business. Now it’s serious business time. Ryan tells Casey that he would be impressed with how many votes he got and he is safe. He gets a bear hug from Jacob and I get a bear hug from My Kid. All is well. James is also safe, leaving Stefano and Paul. Will it be "Tiny Dancer" or "Rocket Man?" Surprisingly, Paul is the one to join Naima and Thia in the bottom three.
Jamie Foxx and will.i.am collaborated on a song called "Hot Wings" for a movie called Rio. Wow, it’s a food themed episode tonight! They didn’t tell us that it was Jamie, Will and a hundred zillion backup singers and dancers. From the first two notes of this racket, count me out. My apologies to Band Idol, you guys were great, way better than these so-called superstars. We have here ladies and gentleman, an Oscar winner and a Grammy winner. And a headache-inducing cacophony. The movie looks good though; I am middle-aged but still love me some animation.
As Ryan says, "two of the faces on this stage" must leave. Faces? Haven’t heard it expressed that way before. Paul is the one who is safe. Naima and Thia are going home. Poor Lauren is crying her eyes out. I am surprised that Thia is leaving but expected that Naima’s time was up.
Their goodbye montages are blended together with the David Cook song, which makes it a bit confusing. These two gals are so different from each other - the teen pageant-bot and the mom of two. Naima has lightening and African drums. Thia has pretty prom dresses and smiles through sad songs. Both are lovely ladies who will continue to live their dreams. Holding on well to their dignity, they get hugs from everyone as Ryan says goodnight.
Quote:
(Lauren tumbles down the stairs.) Lady: Are you all right? Lauren: No, but it’s definitely gonna be on TV. Lady: Good times, American Idol.
Next week, the final nine contestants will be performing songs from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Another tried and (hopefully) true theme that they always do. For now, I am planning my Idol-inspired lunch tomorrow!
