We are reminded for approximately one hundred years that last week’s results show was THE BEST EVER, and that Casey Abrams received the one and only Judges’ Save of the season. On one hand, the whole concept of “the save” seems to be the equivalent of the show saying to voters: “Your choices are stupid. We are now going to right your wrong, America.” However, since My Kid Tru and I adore the lovable "lumberjack" camp counselor bass-playing rascal, we are very glad that the save was used. Does that make me a hypocrite? Probably. Do I care? Nope. I just hope that Casey will take the judges’ advice to just shut up and SING. But I digress because there are …
NO MORE SECOND CHANCES. PERIOD.
The judges arrive and no one told Steven that it’s too early in the season for white slacks. The jolly ol' rocker doesn’t care. Ryan is sporting a new hairdo that makes him looks like a grown-up. I don’t think I like that!
Here comes Top 11 Night, the Sequel. The singers will be performing songs from the catalog of Sir Elton John Himself. When I was a little girl, I remember going to my cousin’s house and listening to Elton John albums. The pictures of him on the inside of the album liner were too confusing for my 12-year-old brain to comprehend back then, but I really did enjoy his music.
The Sir’s video montage explains to us that Elton John paved the way for other flamboyant artists, some who get a mention – Lady GaGa, as well as some who don’t – Boy George. Wait. Are they the same person? Anywho… in seasons past, we would have Mr. John here himself to provide a mentor/coach role to the contestants. However, that must not be in the budget this year because we have Jimmy I. and his team of super producers on hand instead. Allll season.
It is ridiculous how thrilled I am to see two of my favorite things combined – American Idol and Entertainment Weekly. I have subscribed to this magazine for years; they are the only celebrity rag that I will read. I like them because they are snarky and they don’t fawn over the rich and famous people that they cover. Plus they are great fans of the Whedon-verse, especially Buffy and Firefly, my two favorite shows of all time. (Next to Idol of course. But not really.)
So EW and AI got together and did a photo shoot with the top 11 contestants, then the editing folks had a field day doing the before-and-after “spin shots.” This is going to be great! I am such a sucker for this makeover stuff. Best of all, they look like they are having a blast.
The first one singing tonight in the fabled “spot of doom” is a safe choice – our hometown boy Scotty. The EW stylists give him a cool hairdo but it doesn’t last long. Scotty is thrilled that Elton had that one country song called “Country Comfort.” Jimmy mentions that some asshats call Scotty a “one trick pony” but when your pony is full of awesome, that is a-ok! I’ve never heard this song but Scotty does it well with his guitar. He gives a sweet shout-out to his grandma. Garner boys really do love their grannies; that is not fake. The crowd goes wild at that last low note and his family is rightfully proud of him. All of the judges like Scotty, his boots, his granny, and his performance. We learn his guitar is named Scarlett, and I learn that Scotty might just be the one to bring me back to listening to country.
Next up is Naima and Ryan has already forewarned us that she will be turning a classic EJ song into reggae swag. Not sure what that means. Naima is a natural at the photo shoot; she has a supermodel figure and looks glamorous. She is glad to be doing “flashy funky” Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing” because she by-golly can connect to the lyrics. Jimmy encourages her to incorporate that same “still standing” lyric and apply it to the entire world. Unfortunately, she decides to use a fake Jamaican accent during her intro. So now she’s like Madonna when she thought she was British that time. I am not digging this performance from Naima as much as her others, but you have to give her credit for being original. The judges don’t really get it either. Randy even thought it was corny but Naima doesn’t care.
Ryan announces this year’s songwriting contest “Perfect Harmony.” The real British “hitmaker” Taio Cruz is “only gonna break break your break break your heart” with writing the lyrics and needs our help. I think we can do better, yes? Ludacris!
We already knew that Paul is a seasoned performer and has been in bands for years. He talks about sharing a van with 14 other guys and being poor. He is so gorgeous in the face and when he smiles, yowsa! Paul is doing an acoustic version of “Rocket Man,” and we can only hope that it’s better than that "Pencil Salesman Guy" from season 3. For the first time since Paul sang the duet with Kendra in Vegas, I actually like his voice. However, he is wearing that Rose Garden suit again. Has he not heard the rule about celebrities not ever repeating an outfit? He promises to retire it, thankfully. (I read on the ‘net that he paid 4500 bucks for it.) The judges talk to him for approximately one hundred years about how not being on pitch is a good thing. Okay. And Ryan is the funniest guy on television next to Joel McHale.
At the photo shoot, Pia is a natural because she is already beautiful and they don’t have to do much make-overing with her. I cannot BELIEVE that she is doing another ballad, especially after last week’s beat down. However if the country boy can keep with his "one trick" then I guess our resident balladeer can do the same, yes? Stick with what you know. But what we know is that “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” has been covered on the show by everyone from Clay to Bo to Archuleta. (Sorry Iovine, neither Fergie nor Axel Rose would ever cover this song.) Pia does a great job as always, looks great as always, judges love her as always. The difference this time is that she gets the full choir onstage. Randy and ST almost come to blows over the whole “don’t do ballads” command that has now been renounced.
Ryan reminds us that yes, American Idol IS still the number one show on television. Take that Dancing with the D-list!
Next up is Stefano, and this is one young guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. He is funny during the photo shoot with the “tight pants.” Then in the studio, he is intense and focused on getting the song “Tiny Dancer” just right. He performs worlds better than he did last week. When I hear this song I remember Kate Hudson on the tour bus with the young Cameron Crowe guy and they all started singing, including the guy who would eventually be Earl Hickey. Good movie! Then one of the funniest things ever on the show – Randy interrupting the “tender hand holding” of Stef and J.Lo. Jen has Jimmy Choos older than this boy so I suppose that makes it okay to flirt? They talk to Stefano forever and a day about how glad they are that he opened his eyes for once. Hopefully no more bottom three for this boy!
In the audience - Howie! I liked him on Deal or No Deal and he was a great substitute judge for the Hoff on America’s Got Talent last year. He’s here tonight to promote his new show Mobbed. Howie does an amusingly hyper plug to Stefano’s dad who just happens to be his doppelganger. Mr. Langone is also a natural; I wonder if he is an actor. I don’t get the whole “flash mob” thing though. One more item to add to the list of Things I Just Don’t Get.
Pretty teenager Lauren was thrilled to do a professional photo shoot this week. I wonder why they used a dress from the Baby Hookers - R- Us closet though. That’s so Ho’wood. Tonight she is singing “Candle in the Wind,” the one about Marilyn Monroe, not Princess Diana. Her voice is beautiful, the best ever, but she doesn’t seem to connect to the lyrics or tragedy of the song. And Jimmy, Rodney, Tricky, Ricky Bobby, Tom Cruise, Oprah, SOMEBODY please tell these kids to NOT smile while singing sad songs! Thank you. Lauren’s wearing a dress that’s short in the front and long in the back – the clothing equivalent of a mullet. Teasing her about her short dress was cute and all, but hello. Hot Legs Haley 2.0 lost her entire PANTS last week but that was okay? They all love Lauren's performance, but she has a complex now.
There are many things to like about James - he is energetic, funny and has an outgoing personality. His Asperger’s does not seem to affect his interaction with the other contestants and he definitely is not inhibited onstage. Tonight he is doing “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting” and by-golly he is going to do it his way, JIMMY! He starts out in the audience, boogies on down Taylor Hicks style, then hits the stage. All while singing, mostly in tune. I like how he interacts with the guitar player. There is some mic stand tossing action and piano jumping, then the thing catches fire. Literally! He is also rocking a wild faux-hawk. Just like us, the judges felt like they were at a Durbin concert; it was one of the best rocking-out acts ever on the show. But poor James; his comment about a "Pepsi moment" almost caused a riot.
Teeny tiny Thia is embracing her “celebrity feel moment” and she enjoys getting dolled up by EW. She looks like a living doll already. Her Elton John choice is “Daniel,” the heartbreaking song about a young man coming home from Vietnam. Thia relates this song to when her brother left home for college. Okay. Jimmy tells her to stop being a pageant-bot for the love of Daniel! And stop smiling through sad songs. She starts singing and instead of dozing off, I go to youtube and watch one of her performances there. Thia has “the spark” but she is just not using it on American Idol for whatever reason. At least she is doing better than some of those auto-tuned girls who are getting their fifteen minutes of fame, as well as a taste of cyber-bullying. The judges seem to think that Thia’s time on the show is up. I doubt it but we shall see.
Here to redeem himself in our eyes - it's Casey, everybody. Will he ever live that whole “save” thing down? I hope the heck so. Can this be the last week we talk about it please? Jimmy gives Casey a well-deserved beat down and one of the other producers, Rodney, tells him to shave that Big Foot beard off his face. So it’s off to the barber shop for Casey. Like he makes most things, this is a comical scene. He looks great too; I was hoping that he would get the “Seth Rogen in Green Hornet” makeover and they came pretty close! Tonight Casey sings “Your Song” and it’s beautiful, gentle, humble, and restrained. He seems to be thrilled with himself for getting through an entire song without growling or spazzing. The judges are proud of him and glad he is still on the show. My Kid Tru and I say thank you to the judges and to Casey.
So it must be said folks - Jacob is a diva. He has a Tyra-like quality to him that just makes me giggle. He enjoyed the photo shoot and I hope they let him keep that watch. He is going to do “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word” which is a song he knows from Mary J. Blige. And wow look who just happened to pop by the studio? The “Family Affair” matriarch herself. As Mr. Lusk says, that was “bananas.” Now there will "no hateration in this dancery," even though poor ousted Robbie Rosen just did this song a few weeks ago. Producer Tricky tells him not to add “drama” but that is telling the sun not to shine in July. Has anyone noticed that Jacob looks like Rerun, only much skinnier? The judges are “slayed” as they always are with “the reverend.” Randy wants even more “gas in the tank.” Premium or unleaded?
At the photo shoot, Haley is more gorgeous than ever as she adorably squees over red nail polish. Her “dreams are coming true” and she is delightful during the interview. In the studio, she sounds good singing “Bennie and the Jets.” Jimmy wants her to take all of the parts of Haley, put them in the car and drive them to the show. Okay. Tonight on stage, she is like a little girl doing an impression of Michelle Pfeiffer in the Fabulous Baker Boys. She starts off lounged across the piano, then somewhat awkwardly wiggles down. There is nothing clumsy about her singing though; she is spot on, doesn’t miss a note. And for once I can understand the words she’s singing. The judges are thrilled with her, finally! Randy called it the “best performance of the night” and it was pretty close. Am glad she got the pimp spot tonight.
Recap time and Ryan gives a shout out to the piano player. He and the judges remind America to VOTE. “Do the right thing now!” Randy advises.
Quotes:
Ryan: So what do you have to do? Taio Cruz: Not much as usual.
Jimmy: He’s not going to get away with just his smile tonight.
Randy: The next elevator of love!
Jennifer: These guys, don’t even listen to ‘em, don’t look at ‘em.
Steven: You keep singing like that and you’ll be able to afford the rest of that dress.
James: That was my face. That was pretty awesome!
Steven: You go where no man can go, just don’t be up there too long, or you’ll end up like me.
Jimmy: You know what was wrong with that performance? Everything!
Casey: Thanks for holding me up. Ryan: It’s my job.
As the night progressed, I remembered that there was an Elton John theme back during Fantasia’s season, and The Sir was the mentor. I wonder if he will make a surprise appearance tomorrow night. We know that Fantasia will be in the Idol House. Somebody else is coming too but I only care about her, really. Idol Alumni for the win!
