The Top 36 – “Final Judgment, Final Cut”

Voiceover Ryan informs us to forget everything that we thought we knew about the process of choosing the Top 36.

No more grueling ride in The Elevator of Shame to take the long walk across the wooden floor to sit in The Chair of Destiny. This time the contestants will walk through a garden and meet their fate in the parlor of The Judges’ Mansion. They still face “the chair,” but at least it’s a cushy one.

The intimidating desk that the judges sit behind is gone also; they have red throne-like wingchairs instead. Each contestant will be presented before them and the ones that receive a long-stemmed red rose get to stay. Wait…wrong show.

Another change is that some of the contestants will have to participate in a “sing-off” against each other. This will enable the judges to make their final decision of exactly who will fill the coveted 36 slots. (Or it could just be a ploy to cause suspense.)

The first singer to take the walk through the garden is delightful UNC graduate student Anoop Desai. The judges adore him and his smooth vocals and gladly welcome him and his cool scarf to season 8.

Next is Von Smith, who is anxious to know if there is a future on the show for him. After discussing the “indulgent nonsense” comment that Simon made during Hollywood Week, he learns that he is on to the next round.

A sing-off between My Kid’s favorite, Alex Wagner-Trugman and amateur thriller movie maker Cody Sheldon transpires next. Since they are friends they do not feel comfortable competing directly against each other like this. But the cruel antics of The Powers That Be must be obeyed. Of the two boys, Alex has a smoother voice and is chosen over Cody. Alex can’t even revel in the victory and calls it “as bittersweet as it can get.”

Theatrical Adam Lambert talks about the rollercoaster ride of Hollywood Week. He reminds me of Criss Angel minus the Playboy Bunny. It is no surprise that Adam makes Top 36.

Tall teenager Taylor Vaifanua is featured next. We’ve not seen much of “Jordin 2.0” since her first audition but she makes it through.

Also making it to the next round are these gals: Jasmine Murray (YAY!), Arianna Afsar, Casey Carlson, Megan Corkrey, Mishavonna Henson and Stevie Wright (YAY!!).

When Joanna Pacitti sits before the judges it seems apparent that her lyric-blowing performances during Hollywood Week will cause the end of her AI journey this year. Oddly this is not the case and she’s told she made it through. Do what Bubba?

Before we can think of other synonyms for “plant” we’re told that these (mostly unknown to us) unfortunate ones did not make the cut: T.K. Hash, Chris Chatham and Reggi Beasley.

Fresh blonde Kendall Beard had an uneven week in Hollywood, especially when trying to attempt Sarah McLachlan. After yanking her chain a bit, the judges inform lovely Kendall that she’s made it through.

The next sing-off occurs between two-toned Kristen McNamara and a gal that we’ve not heard sing yet. Her name is Jenn Korbee and turns out that she auditioned with her husband. They were the ones caught on camera smooching all the time. Both ladies do country(ish) songs and Kristen is clearly the better singer. My Kid is offended when Paula criticizes Kristen for her sense of style and tells her that she needs to up her game. Despite Simon’s wish to keep pretty Jenn instead of edgy Kristen, the latter is the one staying in the competition.

We get to see charming Alexis Grace again with her look-alike daughter Ryan. She is a great singer and we’re thrilled to see her get the chance to proceed on the show.

Scott MacIntyre also makes it through, and we wonder how he will fare during the group performances. I bet he does better than most of the two-left-feet kids from last season.

The incredible Lil Rounds has the best qualities of Fantasia and Melinda Doolittle, two of my favorite AI ladies from seasons past. It’s joyous news but no surprise that she makes it through.

A trio of ousted contestants are shown next, but we did not get a chance to meet most of them – Felicia Barton, Ashley Hollister and Devon Baldwin.

Evidently Frankie Jordan had a doppelganger because I really thought I saw her get cut after Group Song Day. Oh well… she has a sing-off with Jesse Langseth. We’ve only heard a snippet of Jesse; she has a very bluesy style. Although the judges are unhappy with song choice by both ladies, Jesse makes the cut. A disappointed Frankie leaves with her husband and baby.

More unknowns are shown getting the axe and they are very upset about it. Lots of tears from Shera Lawrence and Derik Lavers.

Allison Iraheta is very good for a 16-year-old. She is one of the singers to make it through that we’ve seen very little of so far.

A lot has been said about the friendship between Danny and Jamar and we are hoping that these two guys will not have to face each other in a sing-off. Because our memory spans are small we have to be reminded every single episode that Danny is a recent widower. We KNOW already, okay producers?

In spite of the sob story, we like everything about Danny Gokey and his cool red glasses. Simon pretends to snark on him about being too confident. Please let’s not go down the David Cook road again. Thankfully Danny gets a chance to prove that he is indeed “relevant.”

Jamar Rogers has a lip ring to add to his cheek piercing. Somehow he is adorable in spite of this ughness. He’s told that he’s not Top 36 material and Danny is more upset about the news than Jamar.

The next contestant is completely unknown to me – I have not heard one note from him yet. Poor editing is one of the major complaints about this darn show. Ricky Braddy, whoever he is, has made it through to the next round.

Also making it are these fellows: Matt Giraud, Ju'not Joyner, Jorge Nuñez and Brent Keith.

In spite of his onstage tantrum in front of the judges on the last day of Hollywood Week, “Buckwheat” Stephen Fowler actually makes the cut. I do not understand this freakin’ show, man. This choice renders Simon’s lectures null and void.

Next, it’s Nick Mitchell instead of “Norman Gentle” who sits before the judges to learn his fate. We hear that he’s made it through and I just threw up a little. You are killing me, American Idol.

Rocking Jackie Tohn is like the Energizer Bunny especially when she learns she’s Top 36. She kicks off her heels and runs like mad.

America’s Most Annoying Tatiana Del Toro is wearing her very best Paula jewelry from QVC. She’s in overdrive-crazy mode but they don’t hit her with the chair like they should. Paula gives her one of her rings, just to get her to STFU. And of course we are stuck with her because that’s just how bad this show sucks this year.

Drama Queen Nathaniel Marshall and his headbands are dismayed to learn that he has to face off against a friend named Jackie Midkiff. We don’t know Jackie but it doesn’t matter. Once we are shown the montage of poor Nate’s pitiful home life – he is like the male Kellie Pickler – we know his fate has already been decided. Nathaniel easily beats Jackie at singing and is going on to compete for mainstream America’s votes. Good luck with that, dude.

Another complete unknown is gorgeous Jeanine Vailes. How will she make it through the first round when she’s received no air time? It’s the never-ending story of producer manipulation. Loathsome creatures.

Others that we will be voting for starting soon: Kai Kalama, Ann Marie Boskovich (YAY!!!) and Kris Allen.

Our two hard-working family men, the welder and the roughneck, are forced to compete in a sing-off. Matt Breitzke and Michael Sarver are both likable, ordinary, seemingly sane men with good voices. It’s like trying to decide between a double cheeseburger and meat-lovers pizza. Fortunately both remain on the “menu” for now because both of them have made it through.

These 36 singers will be competing for our votes:

Guys:
Anoop Desai
Von Smith
Alex Wagner-Trugman
Adam Lambert
Scott MacIntyre
Danny Gokey
Ricky Braddy
Matt Giraud
Ju’not Joyner
Jorge Nunez
Brent Keith
Stephen Fowler
Nick Mitchell
Nathaniel Marshall
Kai Kalama
Kris Allen
Michael Sarver
Matt Breitzke

Gals:
Taylor Vaifanua
Jasmine Murray
Arianna Afsar
Casey Carlson
Megan Corkrey
Mishavonna Henson
Stevie Wright
Joanna Pacitti
Kendall Beard
Kristen McNamara
Alexis Grace
Lil Rounds
Jesse Langseth
Allison Iraheta
Jackie Tohn
Tatiana Del Toro
Jeanine Vailes
Ann Marie Boskovich

The 36 will be divided into groups of three. The first twelve will be performing next week: Casey, Danny, Michael, Ricky, Ann Marie, Stevie, Anoop, Tatiana, Jackie, Brent, Alexis and Stephen. We see them dancing crazy to some awful Pussycat Dolls song.

Quotes of the Evening:

Kara (arguing about Jenn and Kristen): “Why don’t we just have a bunch of models come in then and we’ll put them all through?”
Randy: “That’s a great i– well…no…”

Nick: “This is unbelievable!”
Simon: “Yes, it is.
Nick: “Thank you for the jab, Simon.”

Simon: “Tatiana, just try, for once, not to be annoying.”

Tatiana: “I'm going to prove it to every guy who told me I had to sleep with him to get my album out. This is for all of you.”

Michael (to Ryan): “We would bear hug you, but you know…”
Ryan: “I’ll break?”

Tune in next week to support your favorites. For me that would be Danny and Ann Marie. Oh and Anoop because he’s from NC; gotta show love for home state folks.

Remember: their fate is in OUR hands now. Finally!