Hollywood Week – “One Last Chance”

I’ve been on a diet this week so I will start this recap with a food analogy. I know, I know - but bear with me.

American Idol has always been like a five-course meal. The initial audition cities are the soup with Hollywood week the appetizer. The roll out of the top 24 (or 36) is the salad, and the main course begins when the top 12 is finalized. The grand finale with announcement of the winner is the dessert. Throw in Idol Gives Back as a palate cleanser and we have everything we need to feel satiated. And probably ready for a nap. But I digress… BECAUSE! It’s Idol time.

Ryan, who is in disguise as Mr. Rogers, welcomes us to Day 4 of Hollywood Week. We’ve been through eight audition cities with 103,000 screaming contestants. We’ve endured the drama of Group Song Day with the requisite meltdowns. We have been blessed with THREE “singers” that we love-to-loathe. I don’t have to tell you who they are, but only two remain in the competition as of now.

The 72 remaining contestants will each get another chance to sing for the judges. They will be accompanied by a band, joined by back-up singers, and they may play an instrument if they prefer. They draw numbers to determine order of appearance. After performing they will be placed in one of the infamous Four Rooms to await their fate.

Up first is Adam Lambert, who seems more and more like David Cook’s Wicked twin. Not sure why I get that vibe; maybe it’s the guyliner? He says that he wants to twist overdone songs and make them his own (insert evil laugh here.) So Adam takes the song “Believe” by Cher and converts it into a melodramatic ballad, then adds some screamo sound effects to polish it off. Oh dear Lord. I don’t know whether to be amused or terrified. Terrimused maybe? No matter, My Kid still thinks he’s awesome.

We are flashbacked to Dueling Piano Man Matt Giraud’s first audition to see why he reminded Simon of season 5’s fabulous Elliott Yamin. Tonight he sings “Georgia on My Mind” while playing the keyboard. He is very good at the singing and the playing, a real pro. My Hubby and I like Matt a lot, so he’s got the middle-age crowd locked in.

Jamar Rogers is a retro-80s delight in kelly green and hot pink. All he needs now is an alligator emblem on his sweater. He changes “Hey There Delilah” to an R&B song, as opposed to an annoying pop one, and he sounds okay. Unfortunately he has more runs than my little dog did after she accidentally ate a cough drop.

The other half of the BFF duo – bespectacled Danny Gokey – is a much more interesting singer. His voice reminds me of Robert Downey Jr., when he sang “River” on the TV show Ally McBeal. Danny looks a bit like Robert also, and now I want him to say into the microphone “I am Iron Man.” Instead he sings a song that is the anthem of graduations every year, “I Hope You Dance.” He does an amazing job and I can’t speak because I’m choked up now. I quadruple-heart this guy and can already envision the posters in the audience: “Go Gokey!”

A few more of our early favorites are featured. We see Anoop Desai from UNC (it’s “My Prerogative” to say Boo Tarheels!) and San Juan’s favorite son Jorge Nunez. Blind pianist Scott MacIntyre tickles keys while doing Daughtry’s “Home.” He does well but is no Chris. Singing the “exit song” from season 6: bad idea or genius? Hmmm.

Finally, it’s a gal’s turn before the judges. Kendall Beard is a pretty blonde from Texas who auditioned in Puerto Rico. She has an infectious personality and does all right on the Carrie Underwood song about car vandalism.

A pattern seems to be forming tonight with the “Best of American Idols Past.” For some reason it bothers the snot out of me when the current crop of contestants perform a song made famous by a former contestant. It’s my issue and I’m dealing with it, but it still gives me the skeevies.

One of my favorite teen girls, Stevie Wright does that oh-so-catchy-rhymy Colbie Caillat song. I really like her and predict top 12 at least. Stevie is a cute gal but someone needs to get her a volumizing conditioner stat. Where is that Glam Squad they told us about on Day 1 of H’wood?

Another fave of mine is next, the fantastic Lil Rounds who sings Alicia Keys. Lil’s look has become more stylish since her first audition; she has that “it factor” that makes her stand out from the rest. She seems like a class act too, and I look forward to seeing her make top 4 at least. (My Kid and Hubby tell me to stop trying to make predictions because I will jinx everyone. Heh.)

Less impressive is two-toned park-a-Caddy-in-my-mouth Kristen McNamara. Something about her reminds me of season 4’s Jessica Sierra, pre train wreck. Last week’s drama with Nate and Nancy is still fresh on the mind. Plus she does the Kelly Clarkson song “Because of You” and didn’t we learn anything from Lisa Tucker a couple of years ago? Do these contestants even watch this show? C’mon!

A girl named Mishavonna Henson is next, to which we all say WHO? I search the memory bank and do not have any knowledge of her. Apparently she made it to Hollywood last year, blah yadda blah. She wasn’t humiliated enough so she is now back for more. At least she knows how to play the game. Cute girl from the little we have seen, but I smell smoke from cannon fodder.

It’s room shifting time… We see a room that contains Adam, Anoop and Scott, so it must be a Yes Room. But we won’t know for sure until later. The judges sort and stack and hem and haw and another group goes into a second room.

Tatiana (hahahahahaha) Del Toro is as irritating as ever. My Kid says that she’s like the ADHD version of Katharine McPhee. I disagree because I actually liked Kat. Tatiana, not so much. We get a recap of the hundred songs that she has sung since she sashayed into the San Francisco audition. Her voice is decent, not great, especially on the hallowed Whitney. Poor Tat is obviously being kept around as a ratings stunt.

All too briefly we see cute mom Alexis Grace, who has some pink in her hair now. You go Alexis! She is simply adorable even though she sings the way overdone “Before He Cheats” song.

We also get a glimpse of a guy named Kenny, who is cute and makes My Kid squee a little bit. Not sure where they’ve been hiding this boy.

Jasmine Murray nails the Jordin Sparks song “Tattoo.” She is another one that I like a lot so far, not just for her talent but she has a good attitude.

Drama Queen Nathaniel Marshall plays guitar and does an acoustic version of a Rihanna song. He sounds pretty good but facial piercings make my eyes burn.

Evidently the lecture that Simon gave earlier during H’wood Week has been dismissed. “Forget the words and you’re out!” Oops. There goes Joanna Pacitti who “ain’t got” the lyrics down pat and Casey Carlson is nasty on “Tattoo.”

A prickly Stephen Fowler mangles David Cook’s “Time of My Life.” Yep, it’s definitely the ghosts of Idols Past in the Kodak Theater tonight.

Pain in the Rear #2 is Norman, or Nick Mitchell. I don’t give too fast craps what his name is because he makes me mad. He would be fine on the other Simon Cowell-produced show America’s Got Talent, but not for MY show. For the love of all that’s holy, why is he still here? Oh yeah, ratings stunt. He draws in the Jackass crowd. I can’t take anymore of him so I go get a low-carb snack.

I am getting nervous because one of my other fave gals, Ann Marie Boskovich is in the same room as Nick/Norman. She was uncertain of singing the Lee Ann Womack song because apparently several others sang that one as well. Stupid limited song selection strikes again for the thousandth time. Ann Marie does pretty well with “I Hope You Dance” but not as good as Danny.

We are re-introduced to Juno’t Joyner, another season 7 contender who is back for another beating this year. My Kid says that she thought Juno was a pregnant teenager but Ryan explains that this is a guy with a silent ‘t on the end. This Juno’t does have an adorable kid though, but he was not adopted by Jennifer Garner. At any rate, he turns the Plain White T’s song into a soulful ballad and it’s fine.

Meanwhile, back in the psycho ward, Tatiana is getting yanked around from one room to the other. The Idiots In Charge have no mercy sometimes. Please get this chick on The Hills or The City or anywhere but here.

Needless to say, the folks in the same room as Nick/Norman and Tatiana have mentally checked out already. Their bags are already packed, even if only in their heads. Even Ryan thinks so.

A youngster named Kaylan Loyd gets her feelings hurt by Simon for no apparent reason. Her singing was not that bad. Maybe he was just tired of hearing that Alicia song? Anyway, she pouts and stomps for awhile and we don’t have high hopes for her.

At least we get to see a decent performance by Leneshe Young, the former homeless gal who sang her original song “Natty” during her initial audition. I also liked her version of “I’m Not Going to Write You a Love Song.”

Kai Kalama has LOST it but not in a good Sayid Jarrah way. His voice has given out on him and he can barely sing for the judges. He does his best while strumming guitar.

Michael Sarver, who we also know as Jeremy, performs what sounds like a country tune. He has the hard-working family man vibe that hopefully will draw votes once the competition gets to the “meat” stage.

Many hours pass… the judges have been through piles of photos and index cards and whiteboards and videos. The 72 singers (well, 70 singers and 2 irritants) have been separated into the Four Rooms. Which one(s) will be the Room of Doom?

Simon has to catch a plane so he leaves. (*cough*coward*cough*) Paula, Randy and Kara are left to tell both the good and bad news to the Four Rooms. At least Paula can mesmerize everyone with her big necklace made of sheet metal.

The first room has the following: Alexis, Joanna, Casey, Arianna, and Jasmine. After a psych out moment (unfortunately minus Shawn and Gus) they learn they have made it through to the next round.

Everyone in the next room is feeling low because they can hear the shouts of glee from the previous room. They know they are going home and they do. We will not be seeing anymore of these: Leneshe, India, Kaylan, and Jason Castro’s brother Michael.

The next room is a shoo-in with some of the best ones. Anoop, Scott, Danny, Lil, Matt, Adam and a few others. I’d bet real money that they are going to make it and they do. Gimme my money.

Those of us who have watched this show since the beginning know to always expect the unexpected. So the unexpected becomes the norm, right? Right. In the last room, there is much nerve-wracking and nail biting. Matt Breitzke, the tough-looking welder, even raises his hand and says “So it’s a no right?” Tatiana is so hysterical that someone is going to hit her upside the head with a guitar soon. (Please!) Finally mercifully, they are told that they have made it through also. Yay for Ann Marie!

It looks like the judges picked the Top 50 tonight. The good news is at least we got to hear some pretty good singing, even if it was a night of Seasons 1 – 7 Redux.

Because I take this cheesefest way more seriously than I should, I am annoyed right now. The judges seem to be talking out of both sides of their mouths with the whole “don’t forget the words” rule. We saw meltdowns of the Brooke White variety and they MADE IT in spite of the faux pas.

Also it’s aggravating to know that the Terrible Two are in the Top 50. There are at least a dozen other singers who deserved it more than those kept only as a joke. My Hubby says that we’ve not seen the last of them because that’s who everyone is talking about. (And blogging about.) Ouch!

Understatement of the Evening:
Randy: “The performances have been so sporadic.”

H’wood Week Trends:
Singing songs from former Idols – I counted 5.
Fashion - Long dresses and bare feet. (Rose Flack influence?)
Lyric flubbing. It must not be a no-no anymore.

Tomorrow night is the roll out of Season 8’s Top 36. Because I am fickle my favorite right now is Danny Gokey. Where’s that poster board? We’re making a sign!